The Concept of Unconditional Love
by LoveandLearn
Summary: Derek had a daughter before meeting Addison. After the divorce doesn't go through, Addison is forced by a court order to spend 6 months with Derek and his daughter in Seattle.
1. Chapter 1

_They had been dating for almost a year and Derek had kept the most important thing in his life a secret. But he knew this woman was the one, he knew they were going to go further together than he had with anyone and that meant it was time to tell her. _

_He led her down the hall of his two bedroom apartment toward a semi closed door and it was needless to say that she was afraid of what he had to tell her. But she kept a smile on her face, kept the optimism in her eyes_ _and remained open minded. He stopped just short of the door and turned to her in panic. _

"_I've never told anyone I've dated about this and chances are after you find out you're gonna run and I'm going to regret it but I can't lie to you about this."_

_"Are you like a serial killer or something__?" Addison asked jokingly "Do you keep all your victims in that room? Like...organs every where with a shrine made of skulls?" Derek smiled, admitting that random remarks like that were part of the reason that he was falling for her. "Because I'm not sure how well I'd take that."_

"_No. Although I'm pretty sure that something like that would send you running too." he took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. He thought of different ways he could put it, wondering which way would sound the best. Finally he decided that the simpler it was said, the simpler it would be recieved. "I have a daughter." he admitted. _

_Addison froze, she looked into his eyes wordlessly but at least she was wasn't running. "A daughter?" she finally asked, not knowing how else she could react. _

"_She's four." he explained. " She was born when I was 21. Her mother disappeared after she was born. So I've been raising her by myself. She's never met anyone I've dated, she doesn't understand the concept of having a mother. She doesn't get along too well with my sister so...she might have a hate for woman. I'm not sure."_

"_You have a daughter?" she repeated her question. _

"_Yeah, Addie, I do. Is that a problem?" he replied defectively. _

"_No, it's just that you always made it sound like you've never been in a serious relationship and now you tell me you have a daughter. I'm just confused. I'm sorry."_

"_It wasn't a serious relationship. It was one drunken night. She got pregnant and I wanted to do the right thing. I wasn't in love with her or anything. And obviously, she wasn't in love with me either or else she wouldn't have popped a kid out and left 30 minutes later."_

"_Yeah, you have a point." Addison answered. _

"_And I love you, Addison. I really do and I think we have a lot going for us. But we can't go further if I hid this any longer. She's really important to me and you're really important to me." he paused, watching her carefully. "Say something, are you thinking up ways to dump me right now?"_

"_No! Derek, stop being so negative. I am not dumping you, I'm shocked but I'll get over it in a minute or two. You have a kid, I love kids. I've always wanted a kid, maybe not the second I entered a seriously relationship but so what? We can make it work. Right?" _

"_You're sure?" _

"_I'm sure if you're sure." she answered. "Because if we're going where I think we're going than I'll be there with you raising her and if you don't think I'm the right person to do that with than you have to let me go before I get attached..and Derek, I get attached instantly."_

"_You're the right person." Derek promised. "You're the only person I'd want to do this with."_

* * *

"What are you doing here?" he asked spitefully.

"How's your daughter?" Addison replied, ignoring her estranged husband's question.

"I thought she was our daughter."

"Yeah, well...she was. But something tells me that you don't want to share a child with me anymore." she answered. "I never had legal custody of her, so she's not mine and there is no way in hell I'd ever be allowed to see her again after the divorce I smell coming. And I have a feeling that you finally told her that I'm not her mother so... I'm on the losing end of this war. That's not to say I don't care about her."

"She's fine." Derek answered. He had to admit that she was right. He wasn't going to allow for his daughter to see her after the divorce, even if she was the one who raised her. She was also right in the fact that his daughter finally knew the truth. Through the whole time they were together, he was afraid of telling Ella. But now he finally had the courage, he needed to hurt her. And what better way of doing that than turning the one person who she loved unconditionally against her. "And you're right, I did tell her."

Addison nodded, tears swelling her eyes. "I had a feeling." she answered. It couldn't be maternal instinct because she wasn't a mother, at least not biologically.

"I'm sure you did."

"In all fairness...I had it coming, right?" she answered, giving him a small smile to hide her pain.

* * *

Nothing would ever be the same again. It was a given. He never realized what would happen between his daughter and his wife when he decided to give the marriage a chance. He never noticed what was going on with them because he was to busy hiding his feelings for Meredith. He never noticed the tension between them. He assumed everything would be the way it was in New York. Ella would worship the ground Addison walked on, she would be her idol. He was wrong.

Addison leaned against the refrigerator in the cramped trailer, holding an envelope in one hand and a sheet of paper in the other. Ella was sitting on the table with her arms crossed, she didn't look like the typical 16 year old preparing to be yelled at and Addison looked far from the typical mother preparing to yell.

"You failed Anatomy?" she asked calmly, neatly folding the report card and placing it in the envelope. "If you needed help with Anatomy you could have just asked, Ella. It's not like your father and I are strangers to the topic."

"You are a stranger." she answered straight faced, the perfect come back to the statement previously said.

Addison ignored it, trying not to let the words get to her. "Really?" she asked. "After everything I've done for you, after everything we've been through that's what you have to say to me. If I were in your shoes my mother would be stabbing me right about now. But I did everything in my power to not turn out like her. I didn't everything to raise you decently. I did my best to be the mother you deserved to have. And that's what I get?"

"You're right." Ella admitted. "You're not like your mother, you're worse than her. And if this is the type of mother I deserved that I must be one fucked up little bitch."

"Ella...that's not what I meant. You are not...you're perfect, okay? I used to dream of having a daughter like you. The day you called me 'Mommy' was literally the best day of my life. I want what's best for you." she explained truthfully. She really had dreamed of having a little girl to look up to her and love her. She used to dream of taking her daughter shopping and tying her hair into perfect pig tails. Ella gave her all of that. She made Addison's dreams come true, even though it was short lived.

"I'm not your daughter. And you're not my mother. Not legally, not biologically. We are in no way connected. So you have no right to discipline me or yell at me about grades. You are nobody. Your opinion of me doesn't even matter."

Addison sighed in defeat. She put the envelope down with the rest of the mail and ran her fingers through her hair, taking a few deep breaths as she tried to calm her self and sustain from crying. Finally, after almost a minute she turned around and left without saying anything more. Ella watched her car disappear into the distance and she just sat there.

That night Derek got home to see his daughter sitting at the table, watching TV and feeding herself a bowl of cereal. He looked around the trailer and noticed his wife wasn't there. It's not like there was any where else she could be, aside from the hospital and the trailer and her old hotel the only other place Addison had seen in Seattle was the bar. There was no where she could go.

"Where is Addison?" he asked, taking his jacket off and hanging it in the small closet.

Ella shrugged her shoulders and put another spoonful of cereal in her mother.

"What do you mean you don't know?" he asked. "She had the day off, she was suppose to be here. You haven't seen her all day?"

"I've seen her." she answered. "I just don't know where she is right now. She left a while ago. I don't think she's coming back. She seemed a little...um emotional."

"What did you do?" he automatically asked.

"Me?!" Ella asked innocently. "I didn't do anything! Why would you assume this is my fault?"

"I have a hard time believing you weren't somehow involved." he answered. "Are you telling me she randomly decided that she was emotional and left?"

"Not exactly." she admitted. "I failed Anatomy this semester and she was going all maternal on my ass so I told her to back off. Except I may have been a little more harsh."

"Did you try to call her to apologize?" he asked.

"Why would I do that?" Ella replied, looking at him strangely. "It's not like she didn't have it coming. And besides, she left her cell phone here. She only took her wallet and her car keys."

"She's not going to come back, you realize that right?"

"Yup. You're welcome." she smiled, assuming that her father would be proud of her for doing what he couldn't. He didn't fight her anymore, he gave up on the conversation and went to bed. He was to tired to deal with her at that second. Later on he would punish her and deal with finding Addison.

* * *

A week later he was served with divorce papers which stated that she wanted nothing out of their marriage. She just wanted out. With the divroce papers he receive a note that told him she was giving up, she wasn't willing to fight anymore. She claimed that she had nothing left to fight for. Her location was not disclosed, and she never mentioned if she was doing alright or not. It was all strictly business between them. There was nothing else left.

He went home and placed them on the table while he started looking through the phone book for a new place to order take-out from. Ella came into the trailer after a night out with her friends and the first thing she noticed was the divorce papers.

"You saw Mom?" she asked, although she had never used the name while Addison was in Seattle. She hadn't even used her first name. She wouldn't call her anything as if she didn't deserve to be like any other human.

"No. I didn't see her. Someone served me divorce papers. Although she did pass on a note." he replied. He would give almost anything to see her one more time. He had done everything to try to find her, get in touch with her but it had all failed. The only way he knew she was alright was because she filed for divorce. No one in the family had heard from her. Not his side, not her side.

"So where is she?" Ella wondered curiously.

"She didn't say." Derek answered. "It's in my briefcase if you wanna read it."

Ella grabbed his briefcase and turned it upside down on the bed, everything in it fell out. She shuffled through all of it until she found the one piece of paper she wanted.

_Derek, _

_I'm really sorry things had to end this way. I wish it could have different. But I screwed up and there is no forgiving what I did. I can't blame you for not being able to see past it, I can't blame Ella for losing respect for me. I shouldn't have agreed to try to work it because we both knew it would never be the same. _

_Please don't make this any harder than it is. I just want out, nothing else. Everything is yours. Anything you want. The houses, the stocks, the cars, everything. I give up, I have nothing left to fight for. I've lost everything. I even lost the one person I thought would never turn against me. She can't bear to be in the same room with me, she can't stand the thought of me. I couldn't stay there knowing that she hates me, I couldn't stay and watch you falling for another woman right in front of my eyes. I give up, you win. It's over. By the way, if it makes a difference, I'll never love anyone like I loved you and Ella. My life will never be the same without you guys. _

_All My Love,  
__Addison Montgomery_

Ella threw the letter back into the rumble of files and sheets. She looked up at her father apologetically. "Guess I ruined this for you." she whispered.

Derek didn't say anything. He looked at her emotionlessly and began cleaning the mess of papers so he could get into bed.

"So now you're not talking to me?"

"I'll get over it, Ella. Forget it ever happened and go to bed. We'll deal with this later." he said because he really wasn't in the mood to talk or deal with her.

"Ya' know..it's kinda sad. I sent one woman running the day I was born, she didn't even bother to stick around long enough to see me. And now Addison's gone too. It's like...I don't deserve a mother. No one can tolerate me. I repel maternal emotion"

"She tolerated you for 12 years." Derek answered. "Your actual mother left you the second you were born. Don't compare them." he slid the bedroom 'door' shut to isolate himself for the night. He needed to be alone and think. He needed to wallow in self-misery. He needed time to adjust to the fact that he was now officially alone, that there was no rescuing his marriage anymore.

"What does it matter how long they stuck around. Fact of the matter is that they're both gone. And I'm the reason they both left. It's like I don't even understand the concept of having a mother. " Ella whispered to herself, falling back onto the couch that she considered to be her bed. She had no one to tell her everything was going to be alright, she had no one to fix her problem. She had no one. What's worse it that she knew that it was her fault. She wouldn't be alone if she could just understand the meaning of unconditional love.

* * *

Randomly thought of this while I was trying to fall asleep last night. I'm not sure if it's good or not because it's so random that I'm not sure where I even came up with it.  
Hated it? Liked it? Loved it (which I doubt)... Let me know your opinion.  
Thanks ;)


	2. Chapter 2

BTW: I read a spoiler a while ago that the Captain's name is Christopher. But it could have been because they never mentioned it the show. I didn't know what else to call him so I went with that.

* * *

_Derek could feel his phone vibrating in his pocket. He was in the middle of class, he was trying to finish a very important test for his pharmacology class. He glanced over to his side and saw his wife of merely a few months. She was lost in concentration, filling in answer after answer in the book like pamphlet. When her cell phone began ringing the pencil fell out of her hand and she glanced at Derek. Trying to be as discrete as possible she looked into her purse and saw the number on the caller ID._

_"It's Ella's school." she whispered, looking up to make sure the professor didn't hear her. She discreetly put head down on the desk, her phone as the barrier and answered the call. Just as she was about to hang up she noticed a pair of feet on the ground beside her and looked up._

_"Got what you needed to know Mrs. Shepherd?" their professor asked, causing the whole class to lose concentration. Every single person in the room was looking at her. "You do know what cheating on a test means, Mrs. Shepherd...this is Yale...this is a prestigious school of Medicine. We have no tolerance of such high school behavior."_

_"I was not cheating, Dr. James. It was my daughter's school, she fell off the monkey bars. Paramedics say her leg could be broken so...I have to go." Addison explained. "Oh, and I don't care if you're gonna fail me or expel me from you 'prestigious school of Medicine.' It would be your loss, I'd get into any school I wanted to. But right now, my biggest concern is my child so I'll deal with the consequences of this later."_

_"After I talk to the dean you won't even be able to get into clown college."_

_"The dean..."Addison laughed. "Right, well... you do that. Give it your best shot, it's not going to work. And even if it does, keep in mind that I don't need education to suffice." Addison answered, getting up from her seat and swinging her Prada purse over her shoulder._

_The older man turned to Derek, shaking his head with disappointment. "What's she gonna do, sell that purse and feed herself and her kid for a month?"_

_Derek managed to fake a very convincing laugh before answered, "That or she'd live off that 25 million dollar trust fund of hers."_

_His jaw dropped. "Shepherd..." he pondered, coming to realize the most obvious fact. That they have the same last name "She's your wife? I see. Where'd she get 25 million from? Who are her parents, Mr. and Mrs. Rockefeller?"_

_"No..although they are close friends. Her parents are Christopher Montgomery and Bizzy Forbes."_

_"Christopher Montgomery... as in the dean of students?" The man asked, feeling his throat dry up. No one yells at the daughter of the dean. If anyone was getting blacklisted it was going to be him._

_"That would be the one." Derek answered proudly smiling with the same smut look that his professor had the second he had caught Addison. "I should probably go with her. If she's mad at me than my father in law is mad at me...and we don't want that." he picked up his empty backpack and threw it over his shoulder before leaving the room._

_Derek reached the parking lot of the school just as Addison started the car. He grabbed the handle of the passenger seat, hoping she wouldn't drive away. Luckily, she unlocked the doors and let him into the car._

_"Glad you decided to join me." she said with a touch of sarcasm._

_"What choice did I have? We came with only one car today...and your father is the dean. If I'm on your bad side, I'm on his bad side. Oh, then there is the fact that I love you and I wouldn't let you get all the glory of walking out of that son of a bitch's class alone... and she is my daughter. If you're going down for her, I'm going down with you."_

_"Glad to know it." she replied, pressing her foot onto the gas, pressing the pedal to medal sending the car almost flying. Within minutes they were in the office of the exclusive kindergarten which cost more that Derek was willing to believe. He still wasn't sure how Addison had talked him into sending Ella there._

_As soon Addison saw the little sitting on a small bed in the nurse's office it her maternal instincts kicked in. She crouched beside the bed and took the crying child in her arms. It wouldn't be the first that Addison had tried to take on a maternal role, except usually Ella would turn her away. Derek was right, she might have had a hate for women. But this time she didn't fight, she melted in Addison's arms._

_"Mommy." she sobbed, using the word for the first time._

_Hearing the word, Addison held her tighter and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm here, I'm right here, baby." she promised. "Stop crying."_

_"I fell.." the five and a half year old proclaimed. _

_"I know, I heard." Addison answered, taking a seat on the bed beside her daughter. She slowly pulled up her pants to see a leg that would at the very least require for her bone to be set back straight. "I know you're in pain, El, and I know you're scared but we've got to get you to the hospital, honey. You're leg is broken."_

_Derek nodded his approval, kneeling down by the bed to get a better look at his daughter's knee. They may not have been official MDs yet but you don't need an MD to know a leg is broken when you cleary see the bone going in a different direction. He looked back up at Addison, "You wanna go with her in the ambulance and I'll follow or vise versa?"_

_"What ever she wants." Addison answered, looking down at Ella who she knew was listening to the exchange between her parents._

_"I want Mommy." Ella proclaimed, clinging to Addison tightly._

* * *

Derek decided he didn't want his daughter present in the court room while he and Addison battled in finalizing the divorce. He insisted that she wait outside until it was over. So Ella was stuck on a bench at the front of the building, bored of out her mind. She had her eye fixed on her ipod, trying to decide the next song she wanted to listen to. It in silence of the moment she heard the distinct sound of heals, a sound she'd grown up to. She looked up to see Addison walking toward the building, following behind her overly confident lawyer.

Ella smiled, not being about to hold back the happiness. "Mom!" she called out loudly, causing Addison to freeze in place just in front of the door. Ella got up and ran toward her. "Mom..." she managed to say before Addison cut her off.

"Addison." she corrected emotionlessly. "I'm not your mother, remember?"

Guilt took over Ella's features, she looked down at the ground shamefully. "I'm sorry about that." she said quietly, hoping the apology would be enough.

"No, it's okay. You don't have to apologize. You were right." Addison answered. "I looked after you for a majority of your life, I dropped everything when you needed me, I loved you more than life its self and I was hoping that would make up for the fact that I don't share 23 chromosomes with you. But it doesn't. Nothing makes up for the fact that you don't have a spec of my blood running in your veins. I'm not your mother and I'm sorry that I ever tried to fill that position."

She continued walking toward the courthouse to join the cold hearted man waiting for her by the door.

Desperate for attention, Ella tried to stop her. "I'm passing Anatomy." she randomly blurted, relieved when Addison turned with a small smile.

"Good."she responded.

"My teacher was apparently a med school drop out. When she found out who my parents were I became her favorite student. She let me do a project to make up for my first semester grade and I'm working my ass off this semester to maintain it."

"Ms. Montgomery....we have a things to do." her lawyer called heartlessly from the door, causing her to turn and motion for him to wait.

"What did you do your project on?"

"Nothing...I mean I didn't put any effort into it. I got one of Ellis Grey's tapes and made Richard Webber write me a play by play of what's going on so I would 'learn' but I really used it to present to the class."

Addison laughed, "Good job. Lying to the most preoccupied person in the hospital to do your homework for you. Mark and your father have taught you well." After being called one more time Addison utter the words. "I have to go. Hope everything works out for you, Ella. Bye." she gave one last small smile before begin to walk away.

"That's it?" Ella called after her, only to get no response this time.

An hour later Derek walked out, rubbing his eyes tiredly. As soon as he walked out he saw his daughter sitting where she had been told. She was too preoccupied in the text message she was writing to notice him but looked up the second she heard Addison's heels again.

"That gets your attention but I don't?" he asked, knowing for a fact that it's what broke his daughter's trance.

Ella ignored his comment and looked up him wordlessly until she saw Addison's car leaving the property. "What happen?" she asked. "What's wrong with her?"

"She's a little pissed off."

"Why?" Ella asked.

"Divorce didn't go through. Judge ordered 6 months of marriage counseling. If that fails, than our request for a divorce will be considered." Derek explained, causing a huge grin to appear on his daughter's face.

"That's kinda funny."

"Hysterical." Derek replied sarcastically. "We've got to go live together...so she moving back into the trailer tomorrow."

Ella laughed harder, hard enough to cause a few tears to escape her eyes. She wiped them away and let her laughter die down. "That's hilarious. This is going to be the most entertaining 6 months of my life."

* * *

Since so many people wanted me to continue, I figured I'd turn this into a full blown story. I hope that's the right choice. If you think I should delete this chapter and leave it as a one shot, let me know. Other than that, I'd love to know all comments, thoughts. concerns or complaints. Thanks for reading. :)  
Special thanks to McHobit for helping me get my thoughts in order to plan this story. =D


	3. Chapter 3

a/n: Thanks for the reviews. Each and every single one of them seriously made me smile like an idiot on drugs. Forget crack, pot and heroine... reviews are a whole new kinda high. (not that I would know)

* * *

___"El, I need to talk to you." Derek said as he slowly walked into his daughter's room. She was sitting on the carpet and it looked like she was having a tea party with her doll but had gotten too caught up with the cartoon she was watching to remember._

_"Wanna play with me, Daddy?" Ella asked pushing all her dolls aside so Derek could sit down beside her._

_"Not right now, El. Right now we need to talk, okay baby? There are some really important things I have to discuss with you." he answered as he took a seat next to her. He crossed his legs over one another and assumed the position that Ella insisted on calling 'cris-cross' because that's what he teacher said when she needed the class to sit on a rug for story time. She would yell at Derek for calling it 'Indian style' because that's what his teachers called it back when he was a little kid._

_"About what?" Ella wondered curiously. She looked up at him with her blue eyes and batted her lashed innocently._

_"Remember Addison?" he asked, diving right into the conversation head first without even bothering to test the waters._

_"The lady that looks like Ariel from the Little Mermaid?" Ella asked in response._

_"She looks like the Little Mermaid?" Derek laughed. "Why would you say that?"_

_"Cause she's got the same long red hair." Ella answered obviously. "Duh!"_

_"Of course. How could I not notice that? Anyway, I wanted to tell you that she and I got engaged last night. That means we're gonna get married sometime soon. We're gonna move out of this apartment and move into a house with her. She's gonna be your mother."_

_"She's my mother?" Ella responded with wide eyes. "I always wondered who my mommy is! Why didn't you tell me sooner?"_

_"I uh..." he was stuck at a dead end. He didn't know how to explain it to the child. He couldn't break her heart by telling her that her real mother left and Addison would only be filling in the position. "I didn't know if you liked her or not so I didn't know how to tell you."_

_"Oh." she nodded, pretending that it was a decent enough answer although it wasn't the answer she was looking for. Ella didn't trust people easily, she didn't get attached easily. She didn't even accept the company of Derek's sisters. And Addison couldn't win her over that easily. She'd never been there for her and now Ella was suppose to consider her as her mother._

_By the time the wedding came around Ella had learned to deal with her and accept her presence in her life. It wasn't until the day she broke her leg that she trusted Addison or considered her to actually be her mother. After that day they became inseparable. Addison became the one person in the world, aside from her father that Ella trusted. Until she found out that it was all a lie and Addison wasn't her mother._

* * *

By the next night, Addison had officially moved back in to the trailer. None of her protests worked. Derek refused to pretend that she lived there while she was actually in a hotel moving on with her life. He wanted to try to make it work this time. And you can't do that when your wife is living in a hotel room a good 15 miles away from you.

Derek was genuinely convinced that this was his chance to make it work with the love of his life. If it wasn't meant to be than the judge would have just signed off and the divorce and they would both be able to move on. The fact that they were still forced to be together meant something to him. It meant he had to try to take up the second second chance that he had in his marriage because he's failed his first second chance.

"I was thinking we could go out to dinner tonight." he suggest, breaking the awkward silence between the three of them. "Ya' know...like we used to it New York. Dinner, Starbucks and walk around the city for a while."

Addison looked up from the magazine she was reading. "I don't feel like going out." she answered softly, not wanting to discourage him for his idea. It was a nice sentiment but she wasn't there for nice sentiments, she was there because she'd be arrested for going against court order if she wasn't. "You guys can go ahead. I'll be fine here alone for a few hours. I'll just finish unpacking my crap or catch up on my sleeping."

"We're not going to leave you here alone on your first night back." Ella fought back. "Not even we are that cruel and heartless." she added joking only to discover that she was the only one who found that the slightest bit funny.

"It's fine, Ella. I don't think you're cruel or heartless." Addison assured. "In fact, I'd love to have some time to myself, so if anything you'd be taking my wishes into consideration."

"You always do that... take a situation you're against and work it in your favor to make people let you have your way. It's like this unrecognized talent of yours." Derek commented bitterly.

"Is there anything that you like about me anymore?" she asked, much like she did the first week she had arrived in Seattle. "Because the only thing you do is complain, and yet I'm expected to sit here for the next 6 months and go with the flow."

"There you go again! Twisting the scenario!" he took a deep breath and let it out. "You know what, you want to be alone? Fine. I'm taking my daughter out. We'll see you later."

"Yeah... and that's your talent, walking away from a fight." she whispered to herself after he had managed to slam the door shut. She was right for what she had told him when she first came out, they weren't even willing to fight anymore. When they first got together there was more passion in fighting than there was in making love and but know they weren't willing to put effort into either one.

Ella got into the front seat of her car and stared at her father as he drove away from the trailer on the deserted roads that she had never seen another car on. For a while there was nothing but silence, with the exception of the radio. One which barely had any signal in the area so the song would cut in and out and it would make it impossible to understand the words and get into the rhythm. Ella easily noticed that her father wasn't in the best of moods. It looked like he was willing to wrestle a tiger just to calm his nerves.

"Never mind. This isn't going to be funny. She's going to make these next six months hell."

* * *

A few awkward days had gone by. There was no arguing like Derek thought there would be. If fact, there was barely any conversation between them at all. They spend minimal time together, only the last few minutes before everyone went to sleep. Addison would spend as much time as she could in the hospital. She would come home as infrequently as possible, considering herself lucky on the nights she got home during ungodly hours when everyone else was asleep. She left father and daughter to do things as they please.

They had not had one meal together, they had not have one actual conversation. There was no eye contact made while every occupant of the trailer was home. Every night was spend in awkward silence. When Addison wasn't home, Ella and Derek usually brought home take out and ignored one another until one of them fell asleep. It had become a habit. It's what that they did.

Richard Webber was the first to notice the behavior between the once happy family. He decided that Addison had been working too much and told her that she needed to go home at that instant. He didn't take no for an answer. So at 6 pm she arrived home, her heart sinking when she saw Derek's car. She walked into the trailer wordlessly and went into the bedroom to strip for her a shower.

"Addison, it's still light out. Are you sure that you didn't get lost on your way to the lab?" he asked sarcastically. The remark was ignored, the only response of the bedroom door sliding shut with a slam at the end. He got up from his spot on the couch and went into their room, shutting the door behind himself.

She instantly pulled her shirt back on and looked at him. "What?" she asked.

"How much longer?"

"Five months and two weeks." she answered with a smile, a fake smile of course. It was the perfect way to match his sarcasm.

"I meant how much longer are you going to continue ignoring your family? " Derek clarified. "How much longer are you going to act like this?"

"You're not my family, Derek." she answered. "I have no family. It's sad and pathetic but it's true. There is nothing I can do about it."

"Yes there is! We are your family, we care about you, Addie. We want to..."

Addison cut him off before she could go on any further. "Derek, let's not pretend to be something we're not. We just need to get through the next five and a half months. After that...its over."

* * *

Question: How often do you you guys want updates? a) Every two or three days (which I may be able to manage) b) once every 5 days. c) once a week or later.  
And I beg of you, the second you feel like this story is starting to suck...tell me! I want it to be perfect and I'll fix whatever I have to so I can accomplish that.  
Review :)


	4. Chapter 4

_Addison walked through the door of the New York Brownstone after being on call all night. She and Derek were interns, they had gotten used to schedules that didn't fit together. They got used to balancing off their time between work and their family. Most other interns had it easy compared to them. The were surgical interns, the toughest internship to survive. Unlike most interns in any field, they had a family to think about. A child to consider before anything else._

_"Derek?" she called out while making her way further into the house. She saw Derek sitting at the kitchen table with Ella on his lap, they had her backpack on the ground beside them and a bunch of papers spread out on the table. He was dressed and ready to leave for work the second she got in. Given that she was on call all night, she had the next day off but he didn't._

_"Hey. Will you help her with this, please?" he asked, setting her down on the ground so he could get up. "I don't know what to tell her... or how to explain it."_

_"Yeah, sure." Addison answered and took his seat. She picked up the sheet of paper explaining the first project assigned to the second grade class. "But it's 6 in the morning, Derek, why is she up so early?"_

_"Project is due today, I decided we should leave it to the last minute and it came back to bite me in the ass. She was so nervous about not having done it that she barely slept. I promised her that she didn't have to go to school today so you could help her get it done."_

_Ella stood close to Addison as she read the instruction. "We have to get a board and find a picture of me and you and Daddy and we have to explain who I look like the most. Like who's eyes I have and who's smile... get it?" she explained to save herself time. "Daddy already took me to buy a board."_

_"How long does the essay have to be?" Addison asked._

_Ella's eyes narrowed. "What's an essay?" she replied curiously. "We have to write two paragraphs. One about our similarities with our dad and one about the mom."_

_"Oh, well that's not too bad." Addison smiled. "You look a lot like your Daddy. You've got his eyes and his smile. You've got the same skin tone and your hair is wavy just like his."_

_"Yeah, I know!" Ella whined. "That part is easy. I know I look like Daddy, but I don't look like you. I can't write the second paragraph if there is nothing to write!" she was just seconds away from crying when Derek picked her up and sat her down on the kitchen counter._

_"Ella..."_

_"I'm blond! Neither one of you is blond! Am I adopted?"_

_"No, Ella, you are not adopted. If you were adopted how could you look so much like your father?" Addison answered, assuring the child that she had nothing to worry about._

_"Than why don't I look like you?" she continued to whine that high pitched tone that no one could ignore._

_"Your uncle Archer is blond, El." Derek answered before Addison could come out with the truth. "And so are Bizzy and the Captain. That gene just wasn't dominant in your mother but it was in you. Understand? You are like her in other ways. You almost have the exact same personality. You're both funny and sarcastic. You both get this weird satisfaction from shopping. You both scream the exact same way when you see a bug. And I love both of you."_

_Ella sniffled, wiping her eyes forcefully while looking at her parents. "Does that count?"_

_"Of course it counts." Derek insisted. "Physical similarities are not the only things you inherit from your parents. You get the psychological aspects of them too. And I say that as someone who knows more about heredity than a second grade teacher."_

* * *

The only time that Addison tried to tolerate Derek was during the once a week court ordered therapy session. She needed to make it look like they were trying to make things work. If their act didn't pass off than it could end up taking a lot more than six months to get through with the divorce.

Derek knew it was all an act but it was the most affection and attention he got from her all week. He would never admit it but therapy was actually the one hour a week that he look forward to.

"How long have you two been married?" the therapist asked, sitting across from them with a note pad on his lap and a pen trapped in his tight grip.

"12 years." Derek answered. "As of four days ago." he added, looking over at Addison with a smile. Truth was, they didn't celebrate it, it wasn't even mentioned. But they both remembered it against the other one's knowledge.

"Oh, well Happy Anniversary in that case. What did you guys do to celebrate?"

"Nothing." replied.

"We couldn't do anything. I um.. I had work all day and I was on call that night so we couldn't do anything. We were thinking to do it this weekend instead." Addison lied. She was busy that day, only because she was the one that took on every single case that she could. She overcrowded her own schedule on purpose.

"That's good, that's something. Are you planning on taking your daughter with you?"

"She's not our daughter." Addison replied. "She's his daughter, I never legally adopted her after we got married so...I'm not her mother."

"But at some point you did consider yourself to be her mother, despite the fact that she wasn't legally or biologically yours."

"Yes, I did. That before I found out that I was alone in thinking that." she replied. "She didn't know that I'm not her mother until recently. Now she does now, and now she doesn't see me as her mother."

"Does it really matter what she thinks?"

Addison laughed incredulously. Of course it mattered. How could she be a mother to someone who she thought didn't respect her. She couldn't force a bond to exist with someone who as of recently barely tolerated her. "Who the hell have you a license to practice?" she responded to the question instead of answering it with her direct thoughts. "I mean... is that even a serious question? How could it not matter?" she raised her voice and yelled believably.

The counselor nodded and wrote something down on the notepad and looked up at them. "I have been doing this longer than you two have known one another. Okay? I've been in this field for 20 years. You may not see it, but I do. You're still in love. It's just that both of you are too stubborn to admit it. So... no matter how much your set on ending this marriage I can tell you that I'm not going to make that easy. You are going to try to work it out, genuinely try. No one gets out until I've seen both of you put actual effort into this. If you skill can't work it out at that point than I'll speak to the judge about finalizing the divorce."

* * *

"We need to find a new therapist." Addison declared as they were alone in the privacy of their car.

Derek chuckled, keeping his eyes on the road. "It's court ordered, Addison. We can't choose whoever we want. It's who were assigned to."

"The state of Washington hates us! That's why they assigned us to the worst son of a bitch on the planet! There is no way this is going to work in our favor."

"You wanna stop by somewhere and grab something to eat before we head home?" Derek asked, figuring that the fact that she was talking to him was a good sigh. Maybe it meant that she was okay with him enough to consider spending an hour more talking to him.

She glanced at him and he took his eyes away from the road for just a second to look into hers. "I'm not sure that's a good idea." she replied softly, hating herself for bursting his bubble of fake happiness.

"Why not? It's not like Ella is with us. Just you and me."

"It's not Ella that I have a problem with, Derek." Addison raised her voice. "It's the whole situation that I have to live in this miserable marriage for another 6 months with a husband that's in love with another woman and a child who had no respect for me. That's the problem. I don't want to get attached just to have my heart broken again."

"I'm not in love with another woman. I was..before. But now I'm not. And Ella is dying for a little tiny bit of affection from you. She respects you more than you know."

"She did, in the past. In New York before I fucked her father's best friend, before you guys took off and left me, before she knew that I'm not really her mother. Now it's all changed."

Derek stopped at a red light and looked at her. "Nothing has changed. You're just afraid having what you had before."

* * *

Richard Webber was never one to engage in gossip. He was surrounded by it all day everyday, he heard more than he ever wanted to know but most of the time her would pretend he never heard it and move on. He couldn't help but notice that obvious tension between the Shepherd, that in addition to all the talk going around made it impossible for him to avoid the situation.

Of course, he couldn't go directly to the source because they would never confirm it. So instead he went to the one person who always gave him the truth. That was Ella.

"So?" she asked impatiently. She had been in his office for a while now, just sitting there and waiting while he put together his thoughts before presenting them.

Richard had first met Ella when she was in first grade. He was the resident in charge of her parents and somehow managed to land himself the role of babysitter. "What's going on with your family?"

Ella shrugged her shoulders and laughed. "If only I knew." she answered.

"No, seriously... why is your mother here 24/7. She asks if she could be on call. No one in their right mind asks to be on call. Last I remember, she'd do everything possible to get out of here sooner to be with you."

"Yeah, well....things change." Ella answered. "She's not my mother anymore."

"What do you mean? How does someone stop being a mother? It's not exactly a title you shed so simply."

"Addison is not my biological mother, Richard." Ella replied. Richard's jaw dropped. Since the day he met the Shepherds he was under the impression that Ella was theirs. She was just like them. Physically, she was Derek. Her behavior was as if she was a mini-Addison. "And she never legally adopted me. She took on the title when she and my dad got engaged. I didn't know until recently."

"Addison is not your mother?" Richard asked, needing a nod to confirm what he had been told. "That is not possible. Are you sure?"

"My biological mother left me when I was born. My dad raised me alone until I was like four and a half or something. That's when Addison came into the picture."

"Okay..." Richard nodded, trying to digest all the information considering that everything he thought he knew about Derek and Addison had turned on its head. "So what's the problem now?"

Ella looked up at him, taking her time before she could answer his question. "She got tired of me and my Dad. Nothing works anymore. She not my mother, My father fell in love with a different woman. I drove Addison overboard with all my tortuous schemes when she first came out to Seattle. She just couldn't take it anymore and I can't say that I blame her." Ella admitted, knowing that although Addison was responsible for the first blow to the Shepherd family, she and her father were responsible for all the rest. " We're not the perfect happy family anymore. And at this point, it would be smart to question if we ever really were. Or if that was all a very well played out act."

"It wasn't an act." Richard assured. "Addison always considered you to be her daughter to the point that it's hard to believe you're not. And she and your father were blindly in love."

"But things change." she answered, shifting her gaze from the ground up into his eyes. He easily saw the vulnerability that anyone else would easily have missed. She was miserable with the situation her family was in and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't hide it anymore.

* * *

More coming in a couple days, as promised. :)  
Now you hold up your end of the deal and review. :D


	5. Chapter 5

_"Calm down." Addison begged her best friend, Naomi who was in the midst of having a larger than life panic attack._

_"Don't tell me to calm down, Addison... I have a child growing inside of me." Naomi snapped. "Do you know what children are like...they are time consuming, and messy and they are loud...and one is inside of me."_

_"I know what children are like, Nai." Addison reminded dulling. They were on campus, sitting in a grassy knoll where most students were studying, a few couples were sitting under trees and craving their initials in. They were the only ones who had a child with them. Addison pointed that fact out. "And I can tell you that in addition to being loud and messy they are a lot of responsibility. They need a lot of attention and care. But, on the other hand they are amazing."_

_"Addison, you're different. Your kid is perfect. Your kid probably shits gold." Naomi said sarcastically. "Everything you do works perfectly. You make a mistake and turn it into the best thing that could happen to you. You're Addison, you manage."_

_"First of all...she doesn't shit gold. That is a promise. The second she does though, you'll be the first person I call. Second, being 'Addison' has nothing to do with it. You'll see, Nia, when this baby is born you're gonna be the same way."_

_"What if I'm not? I mean... I'm not exactly very maternal. I laugh when people fall, and I think sugar is great for you."_

_"I'm sorry, have we met? I'm Addison, I was the least maternal person on the face of this plant. I had no idea that there are channels that show catroons all day long. I didn't know that bed time stories are the most crucial part of the day. I had no idea that who the hell the Telebubies were. And the second Ella came into my life that all changed. The second you see this baby, you'll be the exact same way. You're life will have a whole new light. You won't be able to understand your life before her."_

_"You sound like you've got this whole thing down." Naomi answered, suddenly relaxed and calm. "I really never thought Addison Montgomery would ever become Addison Shepherd. And I never imagine you to sit here and be this amazing mother with all this amazing advice. It's seriously unbelievable how much this child has changed you for the better."_

_"I'm not even her real mother, Nai, but she gave my life meaning. I have no idea what the hell the point of my life was before her. She's everything I could ever have wanted, she's anything I could have wanted. I don't care if I lose everything else... she's all I need to be happy."_

_"That sounds a little like obsession."_

_"That's unconditional love, idiot!" Addison exclaimed._

* * *

"Hi." Ella said cautiously as she walked closed to the nurse's station where Addison was seated. Things between them had been less than comfortable since Addison had moved back into the trailer two month prior.

Addison looked up from the of the computer. "Hi." she responded before going back to what she was doing.

"Do you have a minute? I really wanted to talk to you."

"I have a patient in the ER that I'm trying to diagnose. I don't have time right now."

"Please, Addison." she begged. It had become insinctive to call her 'Mom' it was the only thing that sounded right. It took an actual effort to not refer to her as that. She had practice this coversation over and over in her mind just to adjust to calling Addison by her first name instead of the title that she'd earned years ago. "I promise it'll only be a minute. I know you're busy and you don't have time, but it's really important."

"Okay...what is it?" Addison answered.

"I hate how awkward I've been feeling around lately. You've been there for almost every day in my life, minus those first few years and now we're like complete strangers and it's all my fault."

"It's not your fault." Addison replied. "You got older. You started to understand what's going on around you, you learned the truth and we grew apart. It happens all the time. The same thing happened to me and your father. It happens to everyone and no one can control it."

"Yeah, I know but the thing is... I know you haven't forgiven me, and I know I shouldn't expect you to but I still want you to know that I'm really sorry."

"Ella, I told you before that you don't have to apologize to me. You were right, I was wrong for forcing myself into your life and lying to you. I deserve what I go. You don't have to be sorry and you don't have to feel guilty."

"Does that mean you're gonna stop hating me?"

"I could never hate you." Addison assured. "But I can't be like I used to. I'm not the same person anymore, you're not the same person and you're father is not the same person. We all changed, we can't go back to what it used to be and expect to be as happy. That's over, Ella. It's never going to be like that again."

"So you're really not gonna try to fix it? You're gonna leave as soon as we hit six months?"

"Yes. I'll be gone as soon as my lawyer tells me I can leave." Addison answered. "I'm sorry for everything your father and I put you through but it'll be over soon enough. I have to go check on my patients."

Ella nod, pretending to understand what she had just been told. She watched as Addison walked away and stood frozen in her spot. She assumed that after an apology everything would be okay, or at least she hoped.

* * *

"You realize that the only time that we get along is right after therapy? But as soon as we get home that's gone." Derek asked as he held the door open for his wife. Once she got out he slipped his arm around her waist as they walked toward the restaurant together. "I'm really glad you agreed to do this, Addison. I miss doing things like this."

Addison didn't respond, instead she smiled. They followed a seating hostess to a table and he pulled out her chair for her before sitting down himself.

"I feel like we're dating all over again." Derek laughed, again there came no response just a glance and a small smile. "So you're not going to talk to me?"

"I'm sorry." she whispered. "This feels weird to me. I'm just trying to adjust. I don't know what to say or how else to react."

"I was thinking that maybe we could do this after we see the stupid shrink every week. You know... just me and you. It's the only time we spend together all week, it's the only time I feel like you don't want to jump on top of me and kill me. Besides, we have less than four months left. I don't want to waste that time."

"If someone would have told that this is where my marriage would have ended up I would have had them committed." Addison finally looked up from her menu and admitted. It was the first comment she had made in regards to their situation.

"We could still prove them wrong, Addison. We still have time to make this work."

A waiter stood beside the table with an overly friendly smile on his face. "Ready to order?"

"No." Derek responded quickly.

"Can you please give us a little more time?" Addison added. The waiter nodded and walked away and all Derek would do was look at her and roll his eyes.

"Watch him come back in 2 minutes." he said dryly. "Anyway, comment...on what I said about still having a chance to work this out."

"We have to think about Ella."

"Ella loves you, Ads. Ella will not object to making this work."

"But she'll be devastated when it doesn't and I don't want to break her heart again." Addison answered. "Our marriage is over and for the most part it's my fault. I can't expect you or your daughter to forgive me, I can't stay with you and dwell on what we used to have. Ella deserves so much more than what I can give as a mother and what we can give her as a couple. We failed her a long time ago, Derek. I failed her. I can't..."

"Will you at least do this with me? Once a week, just you and me. Forget marriage, forget love and sex and all that bull shit. Once a week, after the shrink can we just do something like this to escape reality for an hour or two?"

"Sure." she agreed. "But I reserve the right to be a complete and total bitch at all other times."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Derek smiled, finally opening the menu he had set in front of him. He was in the midst of deciding what he wanted when he heard someone ask if they were ready. He looked to see the waiter standing there with the same joyous smile. "Do I look like I'm ready?" he snapped.

* * *

Btw, for everyone who has been asking for more scenes with Addison and Ella, I promise that the next chapter will fill that need. But if you had specific conversations or scenarios in mind than I'm open to hear them.

And I was wondering if you guys are more into the flashbacks or the present? I like this whole thing of splitting the chapter up like that. I'm not sure how other people feel about it. Review and let me know.  
Oh and my last random thought: Waiters that keeping coming to the table to ask if you're ready when you're clearly not annoy me.


	6. Chapter 6

_"Mommy..." Ella called from the bottom of the staircase. She miserably dragged her feet into the living room where Addison was._

_Addison set down her wine glass and opened her arms to make it easier for the child to deposit herself into them. Ella nuzzled her head into her mother's neck. Her hot skin pressed against Addison's and alerted her to the fever._

_"You not feeling well, baby?" Addison asked softly and felt Ella nod her head in response. She pulled away and placed her hand over Ella's forehead. "You've got a crazy high fever, El. Let's get you some Tylenol and put you to bed, okay?"_

_She felt Ella's arms tighten around her neck. "No!" she whined. "I always throw up when I drink that nasty goo!"_

_"Okay...what if I give you the one for big girls? You can take a pill." Addison suggested._

_"I can't swallow pills!" she continued to whine right beneath Addison's ear._

_Addison sighed, giving up on the thought that she would ever be able to get through the chapter she was suppose to read before her class the next day. Ella wiggled out of her arms to release an endless chain of coughs._

_"How about we stay down here?" Addison suggested. "We can watch TV until you fall asleep. Sound good?"_

_Ella nodded her head and settled her head down on her mother's lap before curling the rest of her body in a little ball to contain body heat from escaping. Every so often her fever cause a chill to run through her body and she would shiver until she felt a warm pair of arms around her. Eventually she lost interest in the cartoon and looked up at Addison._

_"I want a baby brother...or sister." she declared. Her fever had spiked at this point and she delirious, saying anything and everything that came to her mind without thinking._

_Addison looked down at her, her brows arched perfectly. She tried to brush away a few strands of hair away from her daughter's face but instead came to realize that the fever had gotten higher. She was tired and sick and she wasn't thinking straight. There was no harm in letting her have her moment. "Do you?" Addison asked. "Are you sure? Cause my brother says that after I was born no one bothered to play with him anymore because they were too busy playing with me. That happens, ya know...the baby needs a lot of attention."_

_"Yeah, I know." Ella responded enthusiastically. "But you'll never forget me, right? Even if there is a new baby that needs you to love him too... that doesn't mean you won't have enough love with share with me and Daddy, right?"_

_"Ella, love doesn't come in a set quantity." Addison answered. "I will always love you and your father with or without a baby."_

_"So will you get one for me? Or since Daddy says you guys know Santa, will you call him and ask him to get one for me?" Ella begged, her innocent voice getting weaker and weaker as her desire for sleep became stronger and stronger._

_"Santa doesn't take requests for siblings, honey. That's not his department. But...it's been on my mind too. I'll talk to your father about it and if we both agree than we'll see if we can score you a little brother or sister."_

_"Promise?" Ella asked. She tried to keep her eyes open long enough to finish the conversation but that didn't go so well. Her eyes began to flutter closed but her battle to keep them open was not dying down. As soon as she realized she was falling asleep her eyes would pop open again._

_"I promise, Ella." Addison swore, running her fingers in her hair. "You'll feel a lot better if you let yourself fall asleep." she advised in a whisper._

_"You'll be here when I wake up, right?"_

_Addison nodded, "There is no where else I'd rather be." she answered, letting a smile grace her lips the second Ella's eyes finally gave into slumber._

_"Were you down here all night?" Derek asked with a yawn as came into the room a few hours later. He saw Addison on the couch with Ella's head on her lap. The TV was on, showing some random cartoon. "Why isn't she in bed?"_

_Addison looked up at him with tired bloodshot eyes. She had slept only three hours the previous night because she had to study. She had hoped to sleep well that night but that obviously hadn't gone as planned. "She was up almost all night, fell asleep two or three hours ago. I didn't want to move her. She looks too comfortable to move."_

_"Oh." Derek answered simply, another yawn preventing anymore words for a few more seconds. "Coffee?"_

_Addison shook her head in responce. "I need to go to sleep. I'm exhausted beyond words. Do me a favor and take her up to bed."_

_Derek carefully lifted his daughter off the couch and into his arms. He carried her up the stairs with Addison behind him. He put her down on the bed and stepped aside so she could tuck her in. After covering her little shivering body with a blanket, Addison leaned over and placed a kiss on her fevered forehead. As they walked out of the room Derek slipped his arm around her and pulled her closer._

_"Is everything okay? You seem a bit shaken."_

_She shook her head and smiled a smile like no other. "I'm fine. Just have a few things on my mind." she promised to tell him later but later never came. Her desire to have a baby eventually died down and he never knew it existed in the first place._

* * *

There was a time when Ella Shepherd would look to her parents marriage as if it was made of steel. Nothing could come between them, nothing could tear them apart. That obviously didn't apply anymore. Their marriage couldn't take anymore at the point they had reached. It was delicate and fragile, cracked and broken beyond repair but still too precious to throw away. At least that's how Ella say. If it were up to Addison, she'd throw it all away in a blink of an eye and start running.

"Can I ask you something?" Ella asked awkwardly. For the first time since Addison moved back in there was role reversal. Derek had been the one on call for the night, leaving Addison to stay with Ella for the night. He was positive that it wasn't a great idea, not because he didn't trust her but because he knew it would be horribly uncomfortable for the both of them.

Ella was suppose to be asleep, it was past midnight and she had been lying still in her bed for two hours. Addison had been mere feet away with a dim light on to allow her to catch up on all the charts she'd been neglecting. The voice startled her and caused her to drop the pen in her hand. She had been too caught up with her work to pay attention to whether or not Ella had ever fallen asleep.

"It's late, you've got school tomorrow. I'm sure if can wait." she answered.

"But it can't... I can't sleep until I know." she insisted. Give that the trailer was so small, all Ella had to do was prop herself up and she'd be able to see right through the so call door into the bedroom straight into the eyes of the woman who was once her mother.

"Okay. One question."

"Would it have been different if you had kids?" Ella asked hesitantly, looking at Addison for just a second before diverting her glance somewhere else.

Addison didn't know how to answer the question. The truth was she didn't know. It could have been different, it could have been the same. "I uh.."

Ella interrupted her before she could go any further. "I know you said you're gonna leave and I'm not trying to change your mind or anything but... I'm curious. If you had real kids with him would you fight harder for this?"

"You are a real kid, Ella. You're not a figment of our imaginations."

"I mean like...your real kid. Like if you and him created a child together...Or if you were really my mother. Would you try?"

"I don't know." Addison answered honestly. "I may have tried harder, I may have never screwed up because I wouldn't want my children to lose their father. But in this case...you wouldn't lose your father. You'd lose me and I'm not so sure that that's the worst thing that could happen to you, Ella. The sooner you understand that, the easier it will be to move on."

"But..."

"Or we could have had kids and I would have cheated and I'd break their hearts and your father's heart. My kids would hate me and they'd have no father to turn to... so... it could be worse."

Ella stared at her blankly for a few seconds. "But why can't you see this from the other side... it's exactly like you said. Yeah, you did cheat and yeah, we did leave and it didn't work out the second time around but it's the same thing. You leaving would mean I have no maternal figure in my life."

"Meredith..."

Ella stopped her before she could finish the sentence. "Is not my mother. You are...no matter how much we try to convince ourselves other wise. I hear the word and you're the first person I think of! Who am I suppose to have these late night talks with?"

"Ella, I promise you...when I'm gone you won't even realize I'm missing. And if you were to ever need me...you could email."

"Email? 12 years as my mother and I'm suppose to keep in touch with you by email..." Ella scoffed, turning over to face the wall. "You know what...Just go. I don't care. Give up on your marriage, leave me. I don't care. It doesn't even matter anymore."

* * *

Random fact: While I was writing the first chapter, which was meant to be a one shot...I saw John Travolta's daughter on TV and her name is Ella. That's where the name came from. Amelia came from my obsession with princess diaries. That one story I deleted with the name Stephanie came from Full House...In other words, I don't actually put thought into naming characters. I hear a name on TV and go with it.

Anyway, Thoughts? Would love to know. Btw, I'm running out of ideas for flashbacks. If you have any, please let me know.


	7. Chapter 7

_Ella could hear her parents screaming at one another from her room. She had been asked to go upstairs, which usually meant that a fight was in the works. This time was no exception. Despite that fact that she was no where near them she could still hear them yelling and that was not a good sign._

_Over the last few months Ella had grown accustom to the arguing. She knew that her parents marriage was not as flawless as it once had been. She could tell that they were slowly but steadily slipping apart. It was one of those things that would be hard to miss. That didn't mean she understood what was going on._

_The thirteen year old threw some things into her backpack and slipped out of the front door unnoticed. No one noticed she was gone until hours later when Addison went to check if she had fallen asleep. She walked into the room only to discover that is was empty. "Derek..." she began as calmly as possible._

_"What?!" he yelled back harshly from the living room, assuming that she had just come up with another topic of argument._

_"Ella isn't here." she answered, standing halfway down the stairs. "She's not in her room, I went to check on her and she wasn't in there. She's not in the bathroom...she's not here."_

_Derek got up from the couch and went over to the bottom of the stair case to look directly at her. She descended further one step at a time because she was so lost in concern and fear that she could move any faster. "You call the police and I call Mark or vice versa?" he asked._

_"She won't be with Mark. And the police won't do anything until she's been missing for 24 hours." Addison replied numbly. "Where would she go? Why would she leave?"_

_"She's a teenage girl, Ads. You know how complicated and messed up teenage girls are." Derek answered. "Beside, you raised her. It's only logical that she be a little over dramatic."_

_"I'm not over dramatic." she yelled. She drew in a deep breath and then calmly told him, "You know what, nevermind. I'll take care of this." she grabbed her purse from the coat closet and put on a jacket before walking out the door. A few seconds later he heard her car pull out of the driveway. He was still standing there trying to process what was going on._

_Two hours later she walked in through the door of their beach house in the Hamptons. She walked toward the sliding back door and saw Ella sitting on the deck. Ella turned around, obviously startled by the unexpected presence. She didn't say anything, just looked back at the water and exhaled._

_"How did you get here?" Addison asked, walking over to the edge of the deck to sit beside her daughter. She pulled off her Loubitans and dropped her perfectly pedicured toes into the power like white sand. They used to spend almost every weekend at the Hamptons, but in the more recent months that had died down._

_"Taxi."_

_"Two hour taxi ride." Addison affirmed. "Didn't the meter break when it couldn't go any higher?"_

_"It was like... 130 bucks or something." Ella answered. "Beside, I would spend like 50 times more if it got me away from Manhattan."_

_Addison nodded understandingly. "That's why I love this place. I love that its calm and quiet. There is no city rush, there is no pressure or problems. It's the perfect place to get away from everything. That's why I knew you'd be here. You and I think a little too much alike."_

_Ella smiled and turned to the woman sitting beside her. She dropped her head on her mother's shoulder and dung her feet deep into the sand. "You noticed I was gone." she stated simply._

_"I did." she answered. "And you're crazy to believe that I wouldn't. My only question is, why? Why would you just take off on a whim?"_

_Ella shrugged her shoulders. "I hate when you and Dad fight. And all you do is fight. You used to get along really well, you were this perfect couple that understood one another without trying. And now you can't understand one another if your lives depended on it. I'm tired of hearing screaming and yelling. I had to get away."_

_"I'm sorry." Addison quickly said. "I know that that's the worst feeling the world for a child. My parents used to do it, too. Send me and my brother to our rooms and argue as if she can't hear them. And you've seen my parents house...it's like a castle. They screamed loud for people at the very edge of the property to hear them. I always promised myself that I would never do that to my kids...and I did. I'm sorry."_

_"If you guys get divorced what happens to me?" Ella asked, looking into her mother's eyes with curiosity and pain._

_"Ella, we're not getting divorced. We're far from divorce. We argue, it's rough patch, it'll pass. Don't worry about the condition of our marriage and don't let it effect your happiness." Addison answered. "You wanna spend the night here?"_

_"Tomorrow is Wednesday. I have school, you've got work." Ella reminded her._

_"So? I can miss work for one day, it's not big deal. And you can miss school, I'm sure you won't miss out of too much. It'll be fun. We can order a movie on demand and stay up late. We can sleep in tomorrow morning, wake up and order Chinese for breakfast...which won't be breakfast because it'll be at like noon... And we'll head home at night..."_

_"Like a mini vacation." Ella smiled brightly. "Or a mother/daughter weekend...minus the 'end'."_

_"Exactly." Addison returned the smiled. "Just you and me doing anything that comes to mind... which shouldn't be a hassle considering that think the same thing at the same time."_

* * *

Six Months had come and gone. Addison and Derek sat on separate sides of the courtroom beside their attorneys. The therapist had just give her final statement to the judge and they were waiting to here the final decision. Addison was sitting quietly looking down at the rings on her finger, wondering if she was actually ready to take them off. Derek was staring at the judge on the stand, awaiting to hear the words that had to potential to change his life.

"I'm sorry, I can't finalize this divorce." the woman in the black robe declared. "This is the most unprofessional thing I have ever done but I'm a hopeless romantic. And I don't believe that you two understand what you're asking for. Your therapist agrees with me. I'm willing to offer legal separation but the divorce is not happening."

"Your honor..." Addison's lawyer stood up ready to go into attack mode.

"No arguments." the woman pounded her gavel. "Unless your client would like another six month trail period."

A few minutes later Derek walked out of the room with Addison quick to follow. He held the door open for her as they walked out of the courthouse toward the parking lot. "So?" he asked, knowing she had parked on the opposite side of the lot from him. "You wanna go out to grab dinner one last time?" he asked.

Addison smiled, not wanting to be a complete bitch but there was no kind way to put it. "Actually, Derek, I can't." she answered. "I have a fligh to catch and a few things to do before. I have to get my things from your trailer."

"A flight." Derek repeated, more in a questioning manner than anything else. "You're leaving, you already have a ticket?"

"Yeah, I uh..got it a week ago. I figured that I'd have it just incase. Good to know I didn't waste 300 bucks."

"Where are you going?" he asked. "Not to New York..cause 300 bucks from Seattle to New York is like...coach. And you don't do coach."

"LA." Addison answered. "And it's only a two hour fligh so they don't even offer first class."

"Oh." he replied, looking down at the ground hesitantly. His pager went off and caught him off guard, causing him to jump slightly. "It's the ER."

"Duty Calls." she replied, giving him a small smile. "I didn't think this would be this awkward." she admitted.

"Yeah, neither did I." he answered. "I guess this is it."

"Yeah, it is." she easily slipped the rings off her finger and held it out to him. He took them from her and dropped them in his pocket. She cleared her throat to keep her voice from breaking. "Thank you for everything, Derek. I'm sure putting up with me for...14 years hasn't been easy."

"The most amazing 14 years of my life. Could have ended better but still..." he answered. He leaned in and placed a kiss on her cheek. "No matter what, I love you. Even if you don't believe me."

* * *

Stepping back in the trailer must have been the hardest thing she had ever done. She knew that Derek was at work, most likely in surgery based on the fact that he kept getting paged over and over. But Ella was home, lying on the bed covered with a think blanket and watching TV. Addison wasn't prepared for that, she didn't know what to say or how to react.

"I didn't think you'd be here." Addison admitted. "I thought you'd be out with your friends or something like that..."

Ella took her eyes away from the TV for a second. "I don't feel like going out. I don't feel well, been throwing up all day. And I feel cold every time I get out of bed. I'd take Tylenol because..."

Addison cut her off. "Can't swallow the pills with a sore throat and the liquid kind makes you sick." she finished for her. "I know, I remember." she smiled. Usually, she'd check to see if she had a fever with the classic motherly hand on forehead method but this time she didn't move.

"You okay? You're acting weird."

"I didn't want to be the one to tell you this but your father and I legally separated. I'm here to get my stuff, I'll be gone in a few minutes so you can get back to what you were doing."

"You're really leaving?" Ella asked, "Where are you going? Does Dad know?"

"Yes, he doesn't know. I'm going to Los Angeles. My flight leaves in two hours and I still have to turn my car into the leasing company and take a taxi to the airport." Addison answered, taking the one suitcase that contained all her stuff.

"Mom, please." the word slipped, she was too caught up in her desperate plea to remember not to say it. "I'm sorry... I meant Addison."

"Ella, don't make this any harder than it is." she begged, knowing that she was going to break down on the plane as it is.

"Will I ever see you again?" Ella asked innocently.

"I'm not sure. Maybe not." Addison answered. She finally gave into the moment and walked around the bed to the side that Ella was on. She placed her palm over her forehead for a second before pulling away. "Your fever is getting higher than it was when I got here. Your cheeks started turning red, that was never a good sign with you."

Ella wrapped her arms around Addison's waist and held on tightly. In turn Addison gently rubbed the teen's back to soothe her. "I know this doesn't change anything but I want you to know that I love you." Ella whispered. "Even if you're not my real mom, you're the best mother anyone could ever have and I love you."

Addison's eyes filled with tears. It was almost enough to give her reason to stay but almost is the operative word. "I..." she hesitated, not being able to bring herself to return the sentiment. "I have to go." she said instead and pulled out of the embrace to walk out the door and close this chapter of her life.

* * *

I'll give you a hint...the flashbacks are starting to tie in together. Try to guess what's going to happen. Curious to know if my writing is becoming perdictable or not.  
I've been wanting to ask: Are the updates too frequent to the point that you get bored of the story? If so, let me know so I can space out chapters.  
And like every writer tells you at the end of every chapter/story...Review.


	8. Chapter 8

_The last thing Derek expected when he walked into the house was to see what he saw. For the first time in almost eight months he was home in time to take his family out to dinner. He was there in time to see his wife and daughter before they fell asleep. Instead he walked in to see his wife sleeping with his best friend and his world turned upside down._

_"I'll go, you stay. I'll get our stuff in the morning." Derek said, his mind established. His voice was certain, he didn't even flinch at the idea of losing the woman he'd had by his side for over a decade. He couldn't even look at her, every time he tried he felt like he could taste the bile raising up his esophagus._

_" 'Our' No, Derek...you can't do that. You can't take Ella from me." Addison replied desperately. "I'm her mother, she's all I have."_

_Derek laughed incredulously. "You're not her mother." he reminded her harshly. "You're no one to her."_

_Addison had made countless mistakes in her lifetime, but considering Ella as her own child was not one of them. That may have been the one thing she did right. Her proudest accomplishment. She did everything in her power to be a good mother, better than the one who claimed part in her own life. She sacrificed all that was needed to raise a close to perfect child. But hearing Derek's words made her second guess all of it. He was right. She had been too busy living her dream to remember reality. Facts remained that Ella was not her child, she was the outsider of the family. She realized that didn't fit in and never really had despite what she thought._

_"She'd be better off with her actual mother. You know what?" he paused. She could tell his voice was about to get a lot more harsh to match the words he would utter. "I respect that woman so much more than I respect you. At least she left. She knew she couldn't reach my expectations of a wife, she knew she couldn't mother a child. She was a horrible example and she knew it..so she left. Unlike you. If you knew you couldn't handle the demands of this family you should have left!"_

_She didn't leave because she knew she could handle it. She'd handled it for 12 years. She raised his child, she supported him through medical school, their internship and their residency. Whenever either one of them needed her, she was there. She always put them ahead of herself. She could handle it all until she found out that she was the only one in the marriage putting that much work into it. Than she let herself go._

_"How does it feel to lose everything?" Derek asked spitefully._

_Addison looked up into his eyes for one brief second before he looked away in disgust. She didn't answer him but the answer was clear in the form of tears._

_Derek just shook his head disapprovingly as he took in the last sight of a broken Addison. Then he walked out the door to go find his daughter and they never turned back._

* * *

Derek paced back and forth in his recently acquired house. His daughter had been missing for two days and he had no idea where she could be. He didn't know if she had left or if she was taken. The police had not been at all successful in finding her. Naturally, Derek was concerned.

He had the phone in a tight grip but he couldn't go through with the call he intended to make. He didn't want to bother her with something that he thought she wouldn't care about. She wanted out, she didn't want a child or a husband anymore. She wanted to leave it all behind. So why would he call her? He reasoned that Addison would be the last person to know any where abouts in regards to Ella. She's the last person Ella would ever go to. However, she's the first person he would go to. His fingers automatically dialed the number without even having to look. He held it to his ear and listened to the ringing until he heard her voice at the other end of the line. "Addison." he breath. Just hearing her voice somehow loosened all the nerves that were tightly wound. "It's Derek."

"Yeah, 12 and a half years of marriage...a few weeks apart doesn't mean I can't recognize your voice." she answered. "Is there something you needed?"

"I uh.." he paused, "I'm not sure if you'd care or not but I thought I should tell you."

"I'm busy, Derek. If you have something to tell me than tell me. If you're bored and you just want to waste time than stop."

"If you're busy I could call back later..." he answered softly, somewhat intimidated by her dismissive attitude. He knew she was being defensive but he didn't know how to get her to listen for a few minutes.

"No, Derek...if you have something to say than say it!"

"Ella is gone, okay?!" Derek yelled back. "I have no idea where she is. I thought you'd care but I guess I was wrong."

There was silence on her end of the line. She had no idea how to respond. He was about to hang up in defeat when he heard her sigh. "Addison?"

"Have you called the police?" she asked in a low, calm and even tone.

"Yeah, two days ago... They said they'd call me if they get any information on her." He answered.

"And they haven't called?" she wondered.

"No."

"Why don't you call and follow up? How big a search have they organized? Have they alerted any divisions outside of Seattle?" She asked, hoping that he would realize that these were the sort of questions he needed to discuss with whoever was in charge of the case.

He knew she'd be able to handle this whole thing better than he could. She was always the one to remain logical and level headed in time of panic. She would never let anyone notice the stress she was feeling, she'd keep it bottled up and she'd do what needed to be done. "I guess I was hoping that she may have come there...ya' know, for you..."

"Oh." Addison answered sadly, realizing that she was about to ruin his last hopes for his daughter's safety. "No, Derek. I'm sorry. She's not here. The last time I saw her was the day I left Seattle."

Derek nodded to himself. "I knew it was a long shot...but I had to ask."

"I'll let you know if she hear from her though." she assured. "And I'm here if you need me, Derek. If you need to talk or something...call me whenever."

"Thanks, Ad."

"Will you let me know if you hear anything?" she asked shyly, almost as if she was embarrassed by the fact that she cared.

"You'll be the first person I call." Derek promised. "I'm sorry I bothered you. I'll um...talk to you later." he mumbled before hanging up.

Addison heard the line go dead but she needed to check the screen on her phone to confirm the fact that he had hung up on her. And suddenly after a brief call it was as if everything in her life had been turned upside down again. Naomi pushed the door open and popped her head in. She was drunk with enthusiasm, like she always as at the end of the day. "We decided to go out and drink all our problems away. You in?"

Addison looked up and shook her head. "I'm just gonna go home."

"And do what? Dwell well your failed marriage? Think about the child you never really had? Come on, live a little. Move on." she encouraged persuasively.

"I'm just not in the mood to go out right now, Naomi." Addison answered with her mind made up to assure her best friend that the guilt trip was not going to work.

"Are you sure you're okay? You look like you did that one time Ella thought it would be funny to play 'hide and seek' by herself and hid in the trunk of Derek's car. You looked like you didn't know whether to cry or scream...kinda like you look now."

"Can we please not talk about that?"

"Who went missing this time or are you torn between crying and screaming for absolutely no reason?" She interogated further after walking in and sitting beside Addison.

"Same person..." Addison answered absentmindedly. "She's hiding, I know she is...but he doesn't...." she paused for a second before amending her choice of words. "We don't know where to look."

"And you're worried?" Naomi asked.

"Yes." Addison admitted in a whisper. How could she not be?

"I wish I was surprised. But you have to care, you have to be worried. You're her mother...it's your job." Naomi answered. Although Addison tried to hide it, she knew. It was obvious just by the was she acted that she still cared. Addison could lie and pretend all she wanted, but Naomi could see right through it.

Addison had tried to detatch herself from Ella, she made a smooth transition into being the most uninterested person in her life. But the fact of the matter was; in her mind Ella would always be her little girl. No matter how hard she tried to put past her. Except now in difference to the past, she hid it. She tried to bury it deep enough to forget it but that didn't work.

Like any mother, biological or not...she would always worry, she would always care, and she would always love her child. Nothing she could do would erase any of that.

* * *

I think people are going to hate me for that but I promise it'll work out fine.  
Review!


	9. Chapter 9

_Ella stayed up until midnight so she could wish herself a happy birthday. Her father had taken an additional shift for some unknown reason. Addison would usually be home by before it got too late, but one of her patients had gone into early labor. She had no choice but to leave her daughter alone to be at work._

_Since the year that Addison came into their lives, the Shepherds had a new tradition. Addie would go out to one of those overpriced cupcake shops and buy mini red velvet cupcakes. They would stay up until midnight and right at the stroke of 12 Ella would make a wish and blow out her candle. This was the first year that tradition had been broken. It was midnight on her birthday and she was home alone._

_Addison did not arrive home until three hours later. She stood in her daughter's bedroom and watched her for a few seconds. She carefully leaned in and placed a gentle loving kiss on her forehead. At that second Ella's eye fluttered open and she looked up with a questioning gaze. "Happy Birthday." she whispered to the groggy child._

_"You remembered!" Ella exclaimed. "I thought you guys forgot."_

_Addison shook her head in response. "I could never forget, but I had to go to work. I had no choice. But on my way in I stopped by at the cupcake shop before they closed. There is a box of red velvet downstairs with your name on..." she paused. "Actually, it has my name on it because I placed the order like three weeks ago. But you know what I meant."_

_Ella's eyes lit up as she pulled herself up in bed. "You got cupcakes, too?" She pulled off her blanket and raced downstairs to the kitchen. Despite the fact that Addison arrived seconds after her, Ella was already preparing to devour her custom made cupcake._

_Addison lit the single standing candle on one of the cupcake. "I'd sing to you but I don't want to torture you on your birthday." she joked, watching as her daughter blew out the flame. "What did you wish for?" she asked looking up to see Ella concentrated on consuming her cupcake._

_"Sorry." Ella wiped away the icing off her face with a wet paper towel. "I tend not to listen to people while im inducing a sugar high. Whatcha say?"_

_"What did you wish for?" she repeated._

_"I can't tell you because it wouldn't come true."_

_"Oh come on... that's the lamest thing a 14 year old could say."_

_Ella looked up from the crumbs on her plate. She looked straight into her mother's eyes. "I wished that Dad could have been here."_

_Addison gave small smile. She looked down at her still to be consumed cupcake and dug her fork into it. "You and me both." she mumbled quietly to herself._

* * *

Ella walked into the building she had only read about. She had googled Addison to find out where she was. She walked out of the elevator toward the reception desk where a young blond man was sitting. She approached him hesitantly and cleared her throat before she was able speak.

"I uh...Is Addison Shepherd here by any chance?" she asked in a soft tone almost as if she was preparing to be turned away.

"Shepherd?" Dell asked strangely. "We have an Addison Montgomery but no Shepherd. But I think we're talking about the same person. Do you have an appointment?"

"Oh, no. I'm not a patient. I just wanna talk to her." Ella answered awkwardly. The fact that the receptions didn't know who she was said it all. Addison probably never spoke about her, probably had no pictures for anyone to ask about. It was simply as if she didn't exist.

"Does Dr. Montgomery know you? Was she expecting you?" Dell replied.

Ella shook her head. "Im probably the last person on this plant she'd expect to see. But she does know me. I'm Ella. She has to know me, I'm her daughter."

"Her daughter?" Dell asked in the typical tone he used when he refused to believe what he had been told. "I knew it! She would pretend that there was nothing she was running from but there is! And it's you...and who ever your father is. She ran from you two and she's out here hiding from you. I knew it!" Dell grinned.

"So is she here?" Ella asked.

"Yeah, she is but she's with a patient. You can go wait in her office. I'll let her know as soon as she's done."

Ella smiled, grateful that she was able to get her way. She walked toward the direction that Dell pointed out. Ella stepped in to the very Addison styled office and looked around. Everything was exactly the way anyone could expect it to be. She glanced over the desk, noticing the absence of the one thing that every professional had in their office. Picture Frames. It was designed perfectly except it was missing that personal touch. The door opened just as Ella sat down. Addison walked in looking almost terrified. She could see a group of strange people (minus Sam and Naomi who she knew) staring in through the window.

"Hi." Ella said to break the silence. "I probably should not have come...but I didn't know where else to go. I can leave."

"What are you doing here, Ella?" Addison answered numbly. "Your father called me. He's worried out of his mind."

"I went to New York...to find my mom. And I found her. She didn't want to see me. She has her own family. Her son is just a year younger than me and she didn't give him up. But she didn't even bother to look at me when I was born."

"Ella, you should not have done that. You know that. I could have told you that she would not welcome you with open arms."

"Well you weren't around for me to ask." Ella replied more harshly than she had initially intended to. "Besides, how would you know?"

"I've met her." Addison answered. "Your father and I once saw her. Right before the wedding. Your were with us but you probably don't remember. We went out to dinner and she was our waitress. She pretended to not recognize your father."

"What did he do?"

"Nothing. What could he have done? He followed her act and pretend he had no idea who the hell she was." Addison replied, sitting down on the magazine table across from Ella with her legs crossed. "Are you okay?"

Ella shook her head. "I'm miserable." she admitted. "What's wrong with me?"

"What are you talking about, Ella?"

"What is wrong with me? Everyone has a mother, _everyone_. How the hell am I an exception from that?" Ella replied. "My mother left me at birth, Addie. You get that right? She carried me inside of her, she pushed me out of her and she didn't even bother to look at me. She just walked away. And then there was you....and I think we know how badly I screwed up with you. You were actually there for me, you cared about me, you loved me...and I threw it all away. So what's wrong with me? Why can't I be like any other child on this planet? Why didn't I deserve a mother?"

Addison sighed as she looked into the child's eyes with guilt in her own. At that second there were no words to answer the question. Nothing she could say would ever be enough.

* * *

I know it's almost been a week, and I know I promised I'd update every few days. This weeks been hectic. Been doing everything to get ready for prom, which is in two day. Problem? I got sick.  
BTW: Flashbacks are in no specific order.  
A review would make me feel a lot less miserable.


	10. Chapter 10

_Ella woke up before the crack of dawn. There was barely any light to allow her to see. She gathered all her courage to travel through the dark halls in search of her parents' bedroom. She got to the door and harshly turned the knob to open the door. __She ran in and jumped up on the bed. Derek groaned loudly when he felt a body crash down on him. His eyes opened and he pushed himself up on his elbows. Addison was still deep asleep. As a newlywed, her maternal instinct of light sleep had not kicked in yet._

_Ella curled up into her father's side in search of both comfort and warmth._

_"What happen, El?" Derek asked as he placed a soft soothing kiss over he hair._

_The sound of Derek's groggy voice was what managed to wake Addison from her coma like sleep. Her eyes fluttered open and she turned on her side toward Derek and Ella._

_"Monsters." Ella explained. All her fear and panic was summed up by that one word. She was afraid of the monsters threatening her peaceful slumber._

_"There are no monsters, Ella." Derek assured tiredly, his words were followed by a yawn to confirm his sleep deprivation._

_"Yes there are!" Ella argued. "I heard them! They're trying to break my window and come into my room."_

_Addison swung her legs over the side of the bed. She held out her arms to the shivering child. Whether she was shaking from fear or the cold was unknown. Ella looked up unsurely. She was still skeptical about trusting Addison. But in that second she didn't care. She needed to feel safe enough to go to sleep and she didn't care how that would happen._

_Ella allowed for Addison to pick her up and carry her back into her room. She set her down on the bed only have heard a shriek escape the child. "Do you hear it?" she whispered in fear, jumping back into Addison's arms when the sound got louder._

_"Yeah, honey, I hear it." Addison answered softly. She went closer to the window and pointed to a tree just beside the window. "It's the tree. The wind makes the branches hit your window and that's what makes the sound."_

_"No monsters?"_

_"No. No monsters, no ghosts, no Chucky like dolls that come to life and kill people while you sleep...nothing. Okay?"_

_"Ghosts? Killer Dolls?" Ella's eyes widened in fear, she wrapped her arms around Addison's neck tightly. "Can I sleep with you and Daddy tonight?"_

_Addison nodded reluctantly, retreating from the child's room back to the master bedroom. Both she and Derek stayed up until Ella fell asleep. "She's finally asleep." Derek whispered._

_"I was suppose to comfort her...instead I made things worse. I planted ghosts and serial killer dolls into her head. What the hell was I thinking?"_

_Derek chuckled. "You'll get the hang of it." he assured. "I promise, it'll get easier. It's hard enough being a first time mom. And you didn't even have a chance to grow with your kid. It's like a toddler magically appeared in your arms. You need time to adjust."_

_"We've been married for two months, Derek. And I've been in her life for months before that..."_

_"It hasn't even been a year yet, Addie." he answered. "You're doing great for someone who's never done this."_

_"Great at what? Scaring kids to the point that they wanna shit on themselves?"_

_"Addison..." Derek sighed. "I promise you, Once you get a hang of this you'll be fine. You're going to be an amazing mother. Just give yourself a chance and don't doubt yourself."_

_"Says Mr. Perfect Dad." Addison replied half-heartedly. "Besides, how would you know?"_

_"You're going to be an amazing mother. I just know it. Don't question me." Derek answered firmly before giving her a kiss and turning onto his side to go to sleep._

* * *

Dell couldn't keep the grin off his face as he saw Addison coming toward him. He stared at her in amusement as she placed the chart back where it belonged.

"What's with the smirk on your face?" she asked.

"I was right." he beamed. "You have a kid. So you were running from something...I was right." he said, adding the last three words just because he couldn't help but repeat himself. It sounded too good to give up.

"Dell..." they both heard Naomi call out in warning. She threw him a scolding look as she walked past them with a patient.

Addison turned back to Dell with a grin of her own. "Watch out, I think you're on Nai's shit list." She backed away from the reception desk toward her own office.

"She wanted to leave, FYI. I stopped her." he called after her proudly.

Addison walked into her office to see Ella still patiently sitting there doing nothing. She approached her direction and sat back down where she was before being interrupted by an obsessive patient.

"Sorry about the interruption." she apologized. "Dell told me you wanted to leave. Why come all the way here if you're not even going to talk to me?"

Ella shrugged her shoulders. "I don't even know why I came!" she answered. "This is really awkward and I feel stupid for thinking this would be a good idea."

"I'm actually glad you're here." Addison replied. "I've been lonely without you. Nothing is the same without you there to nag me all the way through it."

"Is that your way of saying that you miss me?" Ella asked with a hopeful smile growing across her lips.

"I guess it is." Addison answered. "Ella, no matter what happens, you're my daughter. I love you more than anything else in life. I'm sorry I couldn't see that sooner."

Ella's eyes bulged out, her jaw dropped. That was the last thing she expected to hear. "You're not high on something, are you?" she asked, her voice lacking the sarcasm that one would expect. "Or is that a serious confession?"

"I'm not high...or drunk." Addison assured. "I'm serious."

"It's just that I've been waiting to hear you say that for nine months. It feels impossible, like I can't believe that you actually said that." Ella answered. "After being reject by you and that other lady...it seems too unreal to be loved all of sudden."

"You've always been loved, Ella. I just...I came to Seattle for you. I tried..but you didn't care. You had lost respect for me. You hated me. Your father was falling in love with another woman. He didn't care about me anymore, he didn't want to be married to me. I couldn't stay and face that."

"I thought it was all cause I called you a stranger that one time." Ella admitted.

Addison shook her head. "You've said worse. It's just that I went over the edge that day. I realized that I really had no place in your life, in your father's life. That's why I left, not because you called me a stranger."

"That's why you distanced yourself? Because you felt like you had no place in my life?" Ella asked in shock.

"I'm not entirely sure what I've been thinking for the past nine months, six of which you were desperate for my attention...but I got defensive and carried away. I never expected to hurt you. That was never my intention."

"So what now?" Ella asked, looking up from the ground and into her mother's eyes.

Addison hesitated with the response. It was something she didn't want to say and something that Ella wouldn't want to hear. She had spoken to Derek about the matter when she called to let him know that Ella was with her. The result of the conversation was less than pleasing.

"Your father wants you to go back to Seattle." Addison answered in a mere whisper.

"What if I don't want to go?"

"It's not up to you, El. It's not up to me. He's got sole custody of you. He has the power over every single decision." Addison explained. "But I'll always be here when you need me. All you have to do is call."

"It's not the same!" Ella whined in an annoying high pitched tone, a tone which her parents had grown immune to while she was a child.

"It's know it's not, honey, but sometimes we need to make the best of what we're given. And we don't always get what we want."

Ella nodded, having learned the lesson early in life. No matter how much she whined and nagged, she'd never be able to get her way. "What about you?" she asked. "What is it that you want?"

"I'm not sure anymore." came the honest response.

"Do you want Dad? Do you want for everything to go back to the way it was? Or do you want to move on and start over?"

The question was met with silence. But the answer was clear. All Ella had to do was look into her mother's eyes and she'd know. She didn't have to say it to say it. Ella understood her well enough to know exactly what the look meant. Although she wasn't too sure if the answer she got was the one that she wanted.

* * *

At the end of the last chapter when Addison was talking to Ella...that was suppose to be the first step of her coming around. I guess no one caught on to that because a whole bunch of people thought that Addison is still anti-Ella.  
The end of this chapter is suppose to be a cliff hanger...I'm not sure how well that worked out. Point is: You don't know the answer to that question. :)

Review!


	11. Chapter 11

_Something wasn't right. She didn't need to open her eyes, she didn't need to turn on a light to know that something wasn't the way it was suppose to be. The twelve year old squeezed her eyes closed even tighter hoping that it was a dream that she would wake up from. Whatever it was, she didn't want to deal with it at that second._

_She was too old to still wet her bed. If she had to pee she would have been able to make it to the bathroom in time. She was lying in soiled sheets and she knew for a fact it wasn't sweat or urine. Ella slowly sat up and turned on a dim light to discover that her sheets were almost soaking with blood. At that second she could no longer contain herself. She released the loudest scream of her life to unveil some of her tension._

_It was 4 in the morning and Addison had just gotten home from working a double shift. She was in the shower, washing away her stress obviously unable to hear the screaming over the sound of high pressured shower jets. Derek on the other instantly jumped from the bed. He ran into his daughter's room and turned on the lights to see what had happened to her._

_To see her soaked in blood was a nightmare in and of it's self. His groggy mind couldn't think straight enough to realize what had happened. He went into panic mode and began yelling himself, not realizing that he was scaring the child even more._

_"Addison!" he screamed the second he heard the water turn off._

_A few minutes later Addison walked into the room clad in a towel with towel dried hair. Hearing her husband's hysteria, she didn't even bother to get dressed before finding him. "What happen?" she asked calmly, scanning his face to try to understand what happen._

_"Blood..."he answered. "Ella...she... blood!" he spoke the words incoherently, leaving her to tie them together._

_"Ella's bleeding?" Addison concluded, raising her right brow slighting. She didn't bother to question him any further. Instead she walked into the room to see exactly what it was that Derek was talking about._

_She discovered Ella still sitting in the soiled sheets. She was in too much shock to move. She had no idea what she was going through. Addison walked closer to the panicked child and pulled her into her arms to calm her. "El, you're going to be fine." she assured._

_"Blood." Ella mumbled in the midst of her tight embrace._

_"It's okay, honey, don't worry. Get out of bed and go rinse off. I'll change your sheets and we can talk, okay?"_

_Ella pulled away and looked up into her mother's eyes, noting that if it was something bad than Addison would not be so calm and collected. She nodded and got out of bed, watching as Addison began to strip the sheets from the mattress. After calming herself down she went into the bathroom to shower._

_Derek just stood in the doorway still in a state of shock that he had never felt before. "What the hell is wrong with her? Why are you so calm? Should we like...call an ambulance?" he rambled._

_"No, Derek, we won't be needing an ambulance. I'm calm because she's fine. Maybe if you can calm yourself down you can put all the stuff we learned in med school to use." she answered._

_He eyed her carefully, wishing he knew what she was talking about. There was silence while he tried to find the right words to respond with. He finally deemed, "Huh?" to be his best choice._

_"She got her period, moron." Addison snapped, walking out of the room with a cluster of sheets to take to the laundry room._

_"Her period?" he repeated with a sigh of relief. "I thought it was like...serious."_

_"You're not a 15 year old girl, Derek. Stop saying 'like' or I'll slap you." she warned, without a doubt having been annoyed by his behavior. "You panicked, you made her panic. She looks like she thought she was dying."_

_"Since when do you bleed like that because of your rag?" he shot back, following her down the stairs toward the laundry room._

_"She was wearing nothing but a t-shirt... and she chose a great night to try a thong out for the first time." Addison answered logically with her signature hint of sarcasm. "If she had been wearing something that actually covered her ass than there would be something to absorb the blood, hence decreasing the amount that reaches the sheets. But she wasn't so everything was absorbed by the sheets. Make sense? It wasn't as much blood as you're making it out to be, Der. It just appeared that way because it had seeped into the sheets. "_

_Derek stared at her blankly. "Her period..." he dwelled stupidly. "I thought it was some kind of cancer or.... internal bleeding... for like three seconds I considered the possibility that she was stabbed!"_

_Addison turned on the washing machine then turned to Derek in disbelief. "You're an idiot." she stated matter of factly before walking away to get dressed before getting a clean set of sheets for their daughter._

* * *

A feeling of relief washed over Derek when he saw his daughter walk out of the terminal at Sea-Tac. He hadn't seen her or spoken to her in days. She, on the other hand was not so glad to see him. She stood still while he enveloped her in his embrace. During the car ride back to the house she barely spoke, only answering him with one word answers.

"How was your cross country vacation?" Derek asked, by now his relief had been replaced by anger. "From Seattle to New York to LA. Did you make a stop in Europe? He asked sarcastically.

Ella threw him a scolding glance. She didn't bother answering him. Instead she got out of the car ad slammed the door shut. She spend the rest of the night in the isolation of her room.

Derek spend the next day wallowing in misery and self loathe. He couldn't think about anything except his failures as a father and as a husband. When he got home that night be discovered Ella watching TV numbly on the couch.

"Hey." he mumbled. She didn't respond, instead she threw him a spiteful glance. "I've been thinking about you all day...about this. I feel terrible."

"What are you talking about?" Ella asked.

"Addison told me that you went in search of your mother and that you found her but she didn't want to see you. That's my fault. Things ended horribly between us. She was disgusted with me..she hated me..."

"Just because she hated you didn't give her cause to hate me." Ella interrupted.

"And then there was Addison and you know exactly how I screwed it up with her. And she left me and hence she left you. You're not repelling them...I am."

Ella looked at Derek as if a light bulb went off in her head. She'd never looked at it from his point of view. "Dad..." she sighed in guilt and exasperation. "It's not your fault! What if they hate you because of me?"

"They don't hate me because of you." Derek answered.

"How do you know?"

"Because Addison loves you. And don't ask me how I know because I just do. She loves you and she hates me."

"Actually..I never understood what happen between you two." Ella admitted cautiously. "I mean one minute you're this golden couple and the next you can't stand her."

"I got carried away with work. I didn't pay attention to her, I didn't care what she was going through. Then Mark happened and I didn't even wanna look at her." he explained his side of the story. "And now here we are a year later and it turns out I'm still in love with her. I picked up my life and move to a different state to hate her but she used my own trick against me. But who can blame her for hating me? You're my kid and you hate me."

"I don't hate you." Ella reassured honestly. She looked at her father straight in the eyes before going on. "And neither does Mom."

Derek felt like time had stopped the second he heard the word. "Mom?"

"We talked...and it turns out that she's still in love with you too. She can't seem to move on."

"Really?" he asked, sounding like a child who just discovered the North Pole.

Ella nodded. "She wants everything to go back to the way it was." Ella went on. "Hopeless Romantic type thing, ya' know?"

"What do I do?" Derek replied nervously. When she walked out of his life he thought he'd never be able to get her back. He had no plan to guide him. Just hearing the words felt too good to be true. "I love her, El. And it's complicated... really really complicated. I don't think that anyone on this planet could understand how I feel about her...I don't even think she can understand how I feel about her."

"Why are you telling me this?" she retorted. "I'm not your wife! She is. If you're gonna confess your love for her I think it'd be best to do it with her as your audience."

"She won't get it." Derek shook his head in defeat, not knowing how to approach the task for winning back the love of his life.

"If you don't take a chance than you'll never know, will you?" Ella answered. "And your not taking this chance for just yourself, Dad. You're taking it for me too. If she takes you back then I get my mother back. It's like a win/win situation."

"It's win-all or lose-all." Derek agreed. "And I'm not so sure that we can handle failing."

"What makes you think that we'd fail? She's in love with you, I swear. Like 'head-over-heels- she-can't move on-she-can't-date-other-people-she-still-has-your-wedding-album-in-reach' kinda love." Ella pushed. "And believe me, of all people... I know how horrible it would be to be rejected...again, but I know we won't be. I just know it. I got a good feeling about this."

"What if you're wrong?"

"What if I'm right?"

* * *

I know updates are starting to come later...that's only because graduation is right around the corner and I spend too much time crying and feeling old to focus on anything else.  
You know what really manages to cheer me up? Reviews. :)  
And remember...you guys promised to tell me when this starts to suck!


	12. Chapter 12

In responce to the person who reviewed with the name 'Reader': If you think the story is "lousy" than maybe you should stop reading it. If you think I'm pathetic than why are you wasting time not only reading the story but reviewing it. And how could you possibly know that I complain all the time when you have no idea who the hell I am. I ask for reviews to tell me when the story starts sucking because I can't judge my own work. Maybe you should think before you talk. ;) And if you thought I'd take your bullshit than you were seriously wrong. It's people like you who make me stronger.

* * *

_Ella flopped down on the couch with a bowl of popcorn of her lap. She picked up a couple and popped them into her mouth. "Anything good happen while I was gone?" she asked as she chewed._

_Addison shook her head. "It's 'Friends', Ella. You've seen every episode four trillion times. But if you really want to know, Monica just found out that Rachael pregnant and not Phoebe."_

_"I love the part where Rachael spits the champagne back into the glass... That's fucking hilarious." she laughed as she continued to watch the episode unfold. Her mouth was full of semi-chewed popcorn as she spoke._

_"Didn't your mother teach you to chew with your mouth closed?" Addison asked sarcastically, grabbing the bowl full of popcorn away from her. "And that's your punishment for having no manners."_

_"Joey, Chandler or Ross?"Ella asked randomly right before the episode came to an end._

_Addison glanced her way, eating the last piece of popcorn in the bowl. "What about them?"_

_"Which one would you take?"_

_"Where am I taking them?" Addison asked stupidly._

_"Oh, my god, woman!" Ella exclaimed. "Joey, Chandler or Ross... Which one would you wanna do? Who's the hottest? I don't know how else to ask you! I mean... 'does it get' any simpler?" she asked, imitated the way Chandler would speak when he was trying to be funny._

_"Okay...Just to refresh your memory, I'm your mother. My taste in sexual partners should not be of interest to you." Addison answered._

_"Oh, come on... We're obviously not the typical mother/daughter duo. We're...different. We tell each other everything. And I mean everything. It's not like we've never discussed sex...or guys. Combine the two and we have tonight's conversation."_

_"Do any of your friends discuss guys and sex with their mothers?" Addison retorted_

_Ella shrugged. "I'll ask." she paused. "Hey, best friend, did you ever talk to you mother about sex and guys?"_

_Addison smiled. "Aw, that's so...pathetic. Ella's best friend is her Mommy." she mocked, poking her in the side as if they were two five year olds. She stopped as soon as she noticed the frown on her daughter's face. "Okay, see...friends usually make fun of each other without worrying about offending each other."_

_"Oh... I thought you were seriously making fun of me. Cause's it's kind of mean given that it's like your best friend and your mother making fun of you at once."_

_Addison apologized, "If it makes you feel better I'm almost thirty five and my best friend is thirteen." She smiled when Ella came to sit beside her and dropped her head onto her shoulder._

_"I'm only loser in school who's not going through 'hate your mother' stage. I'm that loser that everyone makes fun of because my best friend is my mother..."_

_"You're not a loser." Addison answered. "Think of it this way... I bet you're the only one who's got a best friend old enough to get you into a rated R movie, or drive...or stay out after 10 pm..."_

_"That's true."_

_"Yup. I wish my mother and I could be as close as you and I are."_

_"Well no offence but you're mother isn't as cool as mine." Ella answered. "But you're not cool enough to change the subject with hopes that I don't realize. Joey, Chandler or Ross?"_

* * *

It had been almost three months since Ella had left LA. Addison hadn't heard from her or Derek. She assumed that they had finally decided to move on and she was still stuck in one place. Now she was the one that was dying for attention from them and they were the ones who were distancing themselves. Or so she thought. She pushed the thoughts aside while putting in the final stitch to close a patient following her c-section.

As soon as she walked out of the OR the first thing she did was check her phone to discover one missed calls from none other than Derek. At first she thought that he may accidently have called her but when her Blackberry lit up again with his name written across the screen she knew that it wasn't an accident. She quickly answered the called, hoping that her anxiousness was not apparent in her voice.

"Hey, Derek." she greeted.

"Addison." Derek sighed in relief. "I have been trying to get in touch with you for the longest time."

"I only had one missed call from you. I'd say you're exaggerating a little, wouldn't you?" she said with a light hearted chuckle.

"No." he answered firmly. "The receptionist at your practice has taken down 50 messages asking you to call me. You have like.... 8 voice mails to your office and like a million at home."

"So why this burning desire to talk to me?" Addison wondered with a smile, hoping to hear the words she had been longing to hear.

"I need a favor." Derek answered.

And the hope was gone. He didn't call her because he loved her or because he missed her, but because he needed something from her. "Which is?" she urged him to go on, still hoping that the favor may be for her to go back to Seattle and take him back.

"I uh..." he paused. "I...Addison, she...I can't."

"Derek, you can't expect me to understand that. If you need something from me than you've got to tell me what it is that you need."

"I just can't say." he answered. "I haven't said it yet. And if I say it than it will be real and I don't want it to be real. So I can't say it but I need you to understand me. I need you to help me. I just can't lose her. I can't loser her too, Addison. She's all I have."

"Lose who?" Addison asked. "Is this about Ella? Is something wrong with her?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure it's not just her period?" she joked, recalling the night their daughter had woken up screaming in fear.

"It's not her period." Derek answered. "She's been diagnosed with ovarian cancer, Addison." he mumbled in a solemn tone.

There was no response. No words to explain what she had been feeling. There was too much going through her mind to focus of finding the right words to express herself. The only way Derek knew that she was still on the line was because he could hear her breathing becoming more labored.

"Are you okay, Addie?" he asked.

"She can't have cancer, Derek." she replied, as if it was up to her and she was forbidding her child from it. "She just can't, it's not... there is no way she can have cancer. Are you sure?"

"She hasn't spoken to me about it. But she went to Izzie and Meredith and they took her to their gynecologist and then they came and told me that she'd been diagnosed. But you're the only one I trust...they could be wrong, right?"

"I don't know, Derek. Why would they lie to you about something like this? If she's seen a gynecologist and she's been diagnosed than I really don't think we have any room for doubt." she answered realistically. "But then again, she's 16. And you don't want her to suffer with cancer. Maybe you should take her to a different doctor yourself. Get a second opinion."

"That's why I called you."

"You want me to recommend someone?" Addison asked. "If you give me a few minutes I can find a list of names online and narrow it down to the top five."

"I don't want the top five in Seattle." he answered. He already knew who he wanted, he didn't need suggestions. "I want the best in the country...the world quite possibly."

"Okay. And who would that be?" Addison asked. "And if they're that good than you're going to need an appointment ASAP because the better a doctor is the harder it is to get them."

"Well, I was hoping this doctor would pull some strings and get me in. Considering as...we did go to medical school together and we are married...separated but technically still married. So I was hoping she'd see Ella without an appointment."

"Derek..." Addison sighed. "I can't give you a second opinion. I can look at her test results and give you my thoughts. We can talk about a course of treatment. But I'd do that as a parent, as her mother. But I can't examine her as her mother. I'd do that as her doctor and I can't be her doctor and her mother. I'm sorry."

Derek sighed, he never expected that she would turn him down but her reason was logical. There was a reason that doctors couldn't treat their own family. There is too much emotional involvement, things would only become harder and more complicated. They didn't need to make things worse. "You're right. I should have thought of that, I'm sorry." he answered, just about to hang up the phone when she called his name.

"That doesn't mean that I don't care, Derek." she said, making that fact clear. "I do care, she's my daughter. She's sick, she needs me..she needs us. We're her parents and we need to be there for her no matter how horrible things between us may be."

"You? You want to come back here? To Seattle... You'd do that for Ella?" he questioned skeptically, finding her words hard to believe.

"I'd do anything for Ella." Addison answered instinctively. "But no, that's not what I had in mind. I was hoping you guys would come to LA. I know an amazing oncologist. He's an arrogant asshole but he's good. I can pull some strings and get her appointment."

"Men don't pull strings for you unless you're sleeping with them." Derek announced bitterly. "And I'm not sure I can pretend to be comfortable around a man who sleeps with my wife and looks at my daughter's vagina."

"I'm not sleeping with him, Derek. He's not my type." she assured. "He's never seen my vagina...and he never will no matter how much he tries. And it shouldn't bother you that he's going to see Ella's. It's not like he's a pedofile rapist trying to violate our daughter."

"How do you know?" Derek asked spitefully.

"Do you honestly think that I would let someone like that go anywhere near Ella?" Addison replied defensively. "Derek, it's an offer. If you want you can come than I can talk to him. If you don't want to come, if you don't want me to be involved than just tell me straight out, Derek."

"You're her mother, you've got to be involved. She needs you to be involved." Derek answered. "We'll be there tomorrow morning."

"'Kay." she sighed, glad that he agreed to try out her plan. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"And Addison..." he paused, finding the need to take a breath before he could bring himself to tell her what he wanted to tell her. "I knew I should talk to you about this. I knew you'd be calm and rational. That you'd be able to make it easier on me without even noticing it. I really appreciate what you're doing for me..."

"I have to go, Derek. I have a patient waiting for me." she interrupted regretfully. She hoped that he would ramble on and on until he could bring himself to tell her that he still loves her but she didn't have time for that. She hung up the phone and sighed a sigh of both emotional pain and agony and that of relief.

"...I love you." Derek whispered. When he heard no response he realized that she had hung up and never heard the words he'd been waiting months to be able to say.

* * *

So there was Plan A and Plan B. If I went with plan A the next chapter would be the last...and I didn't want that so I choose Plan B and threw this twist in there. I know some people will wanna kill me for it but I couldn't help myself.  
Just as you thought things were finally going to start working out we come across another bump in the road. Not sure how realistic it is so let me know your thoughts.

Oh and don't forget to mention: Joey, Ross or Chandler?


	13. Chapter 13

_Three year old Ella ran out of her pre-school class straight into her father's arms. He lifted her off the ground and placed a kiss over her blond baby shampoo scented hair. Ella kept her arms wrapped around his neck and her legs wrapped around his waist to reassure herself that she wouldn't fall as he took her back to the car to strap her into her car seat._

_Derek couldn't help but glance at her through the rear view mirror every once in a while as he drove, watching as she was deep in thought and an innocent yet curious expression on her face. "What are you thinking about, El?" he asked curiously._

_Ella snapped out of her trance and looked at her father with a shy gaze. "Daddy, me wants Mommy." she whispered. "You know where she is?"_

_Derek shook his head. "No baby, I'm not sure where your Mommy is anymore." he answered. "But you don't need a Mommy. You've got me, and you've got Nancy and Kathleen, I know you don't like them but they love you. They'll do anything you want. And you've got your grandma...and there is Amelia but she's not exactly the best example so do what you do best and continue not paying attention to her."_

_"No Awmy! No Gamma, No Nancy! No no no Kawtween!" Ella exclaimed, signaling the beginning of her tantrum. She kicked the back of the front seat and crossed her arms, letting her perfectly reddish pink lips form a pout. "Me want Mommy!"_

_"Ella, you don't have a Mommy, okay?" Derek replied loudly, making sure that his statement was heard over his daughter's crying. "She left after you were born and I don't know where she is. But there are lots of kids without Mommies."_

_Ella shook her head vigorously. "No!" she yelled. "Me the only one with no Mommy in pwe-skwool."_

_"I meant lots of kids in the world. And maybe one day Daddy will meet someone and get married and then you'll have a Mommy. Or maybe your brain compromised mother will come to her senses and remember that she's get a child. But until than you have to be grateful for what you do have okay? And right now you've got no mother but you've got me and I love you."_

_The little girl nodded her head sadly, understanding that she's got no way of getting her way. She was too young to actually understand what was going on in her life but she understood the basics. She was singled out, she was the only one out of all the kids she knew to be motherless. As much as she hated it, she didn't want to anger her father any more than she already had. So she shut her mouth and pretended to be content with everything she had. But she could never be content until their little family was completed._

* * *

It had been a while since Ella had really been Ella. She's lost what once set her apart from every other child in the world. She had always been perfectly white but after her diagnosis that changed to being pale. She'd lost her enthusiasm, her perfect smile. Her ability to see the glass half full instead of half empty. She wasn't Ella anymore, she had no idea who she was. She couldn't recognize herself in the mirror if she tried.

Addison had just walked out of an exam room and was placing her patient's chart in a pile that the receptionist would file later when the elevator doors opened. She looked in that direction and a smile crept up on her face. She walked closer and only then did she notice the change in her daughter's appearance and behavior.

There was no annoyingly high pitched squeal to greet her like there normal would have been. There was no smile or any sigh of happiness. Ella could barely managed to hold eye contact for two consecutive seconds without having to look down at the ground in shame. Addison pulled her daughter into her arms, holding her tightly and placing a loving kiss over her messy hair and in that instant Ella began sobbing.

"She tends to breakdown randomly." Derek informed, while leaning to place a kiss on his estranged wife's cheek. "Hi."

"Hey." she mumbles in response, to preoccupied with the sobbing child clinging to her as if her life depended on it.

"Can I go sleep on the couch in your office?" Ella mumbled incoherently.

Addison only heard the words 'sleep', 'couch' and 'office' and tied them to form what Ella was trying to tell her. "Yeah, of course." she answered with a small supportive smile although deep down inside she was dying along side her daughter.

She watched as Ella slowly made her way into the office and saw her tiredly lie down on the couch through the open blinds. She turned to Derek and exhaled a breath that she didn't even realize she had been holding in. She was worried and nervous and all Derek had to do was look at her to see it.

"You doing okay?" he asked softly.

"I'm fine." she answered, although it sounded more like she was trying to convince herself than him.

"Because I've been married to you long enough to know that when you're nervous you lie about being okay and when you bite your lower lip than you're worried about something. And when you forget to breathe than you're scared...so don't lie to me. I know you're not fine."

"Fine, Derek... I'm not. I'm terrified for her." she admitted honestly, looking straight into his eyes and wishing she could collapse in his arms and just be held for a minute. "How is she coping?"

Derek shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not sure. She won't talk to me, she won't really talk to anyone. I don't know how she's taking it. I was hoping that she would open up to you. She was always able to open up to you before."

"Yeah, Derek Before being the keyword." Addison replied. "I mean, I'll be there to listen, to help if she lets me but we can't expect her to. After everything we've been through these last few months... she may distance herself from both of us."

"This cancer has changed her, Addison. It's like she's a different person, a whole different person. She's tired all the time, she doesn't have a social life anymore. She barely talks...and you know Ella. It used to impossible to shut her up and now she won't talk. She barely eats, she doesn't want to leave the house. She doesn't even budge if you offer her three grand in cash to go shoe shopping...Can you imagine that?"

"We have an appointment with Wyatt in an hour. He said he'd take on the case and do everything he could for us." Addison answered, her eyes brimming with tears.

"You know what I miss?" Derek asked, changing the subject less than subtly. "I miss when she was a kid.. When she was like 6 or something and she was this adorable little angel and she was like your tail...everywhere you were she was right behind you."

"See...you say that's adorable. I say that's annoying." Addison replied was a chuckle. "Try going to the bathroom with a six year old following you...and remember how that killed our sex life because she insisted on sleeping with us?"

Derek nodded, the smile on his face dying down. "You're right...that was annoying." he agreed. "But still...I wish we could have that back. Those days where we had nothing to worry about. We were the perfect couple with the perfect child, the perfect house...the perfect careers waiting for us. I want that feeling back."

"Right now all I want is for her to survive this." Addison answered. "Everything else pales in comparison. She's the reason I get out of bed every morning..."

Derek first thought was to respond with _You're the reason I get up in the morning _but he couldn't say that. Instead he nodded and said, "Mine too."

He had to think of some way to finally tell her how he feels. He needed her by his side if he was expected to keep his head held high during the battle for their daughter's life. He knew she needed him, too. He just knew it. But the problem was that neither knew the words to explain how they felt. Their situation just kept getting more and more complicated.

"I'm gonna go try to talk to her." Addison mumbled

"What do I do?" Derek asked, looking around at the strange people in the unfamiliar surroundings.

"Ooh, look..." Addison pointed at the kitchen where Naomi was busy consuming all the sugar she could find. "Naomi and Sam are in the kitchen arguing. You could do what you did in medical school and walk in and be so annoying that they stop screaming at each other and start screaming at you."

"Or I could go steal that chocolate from Naomi and try out this theory she has that sugar fixes everything." he answered, walking away from his wife and toward the kitchen.

Addison walked into her office where Ella was lying on the couch and tightly hugging a pillow. She sat down on the coffee table across from her and crossed her legs, reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind her daughter's ear.

"Ya' know...in LA we have these amazing things called showers. They're like a little room with this sprinkler type thing hanging from the top and when you turn it on it pours water over your body...you're suppose wash yourself under it with this stuff called shampoo and body wash. It's really amazing. I'm not sure if they've started making them in Seattle but you could use mine...I hear it's very therapeutic."

"I'm not in the mood to pretend you're funny." Ella mumbled dryly. "My hair is oily, I get it. I haven't showered in like five days. I haven't even gotten out of bed in five days, just be glad I'm here."

"I am glad you're here, El. I've missed you like crazy." Addison answered immediately, leaving no room for doubt on Ella's part. "I wish it was under different circumstances but still..."

"I tried to talk Dad out of coming here. I didn't want you to see me like this." Ella admitted sadly. "I don't want anyone to see me at my worst."

"Honey, I'm your mother. It's my job to hold you while at your worst, it's my job to reassure you that everything is going to be fine. You shouldn't have to feel like you need to hide from me."

"I don't know what to do." she said. "I'm 16 and I'm dying...I haven't even gotten my license yet. I haven't finished high school and I'm dying. How do I react to that?"

"You're not dying!" Addison exclaimed, making it as clear as she could. "Your appointment with Dr. Lockhart is in a little under an hour. Until than we don't know anything. If you really do have cancer and it's not just a cyst than we'll find out what stage it's at and what we can do. You can't give up before you even know what's wrong. Do you understand me?"

Ella looked up into her mother's eyes and nodded her slowly. "What if it's too late and there is nothing that anyone can do and I have like... a month left to live."

"Than your father and I will make it the most amazing month of your life." she replied. "But we're hoping that you have a like... a century left to enjoy."

"I don't think I can survive...it's cancer, Mom. I mean...remember that one time I fell while playing tag and cried for the rest of the day...I didn't even have a cut or a bruise or anything but I cried anyway. Well this is a thousand times worse! They're going to pump poison into my veins, Mom. They're gonna bombard me with radiation and keep me locked up in a hospital room to rot." Ella rambled nervously.

"Ella..." Addison began only to be interrupted before she could say anything else.

"And I'm terrified!" she continued. "I mean... I'm 16 and I have no idea what the hell is happening to me. I am terrified of dying and I'm scared out of my mind at the thought of having cancer. I don't know that to do! What do I do?"

"First of all, I need you to stop talking long enough to let me get more than a word in. Can you do that?" Addison asked, seeing Ella look up at her and give her a slight nod. "I know you're scared. It's natural to be scared. You're father and I are scared too. We know how you feel, we know exactly how hard this is for you. We know what you're going through. "

"I know you love me, Mom. But you can't possibly know how any of this feels. No matter how much you love me you can never feel the same pain what I'm feeling."

Addison nodded, realizing that her daughter was right. Though she could feel a painful ache radiating throughout her body it was nothing compared to what her daughter was feeling.

* * *

Jimmelfan12: Request granted. Except I have no idea how to write smut so I asked one of my friends to do it for me. It'll be either in the next chapter or the one after that, depending on when she is finished with it.

I'm not too fond of this flashback, I'm running out of ideas for flashbacks so I wrote the first thing that came to mind. I'm completly open to suggestions if you've got any. Include it in your review or send me a message. Thanks.  
Had I gone with Plan A this would be the last chapter. But since we went with Plan B there are a few more chapters left to go. :)  
I know the cancer is a little off topic but it will play a huge role in the Addison/Derek relationship.

Please Review!


	14. Chapter 14

_"I'm scared, Derek."Addison admitted, pacing back and forth in his apartment._

_Kathleen was suppose to pick Derek's daughter up from school and take her out to lunch. She was on a mission to get Ella to like her and she thought giving her ice cream for lunch would win her major points. After lunch she was suppose to drop her off at home where Derek and Addison were waiting._

_"She's a kid, Addie, not an alien from some other galaxy. She's four and a half, she won't kill you. I promise. Besides, it's not like you haven't seen her before." Derek replied in a effort to calm her down before his daughter arrived._

_"She was asleep." Addison reminded him. "She's not going to be asleep when she walks in through that door."_

_"Just remember that she thinks that you're her mother. Don't blow the story. If she asks you why you left her; tell her that you had to go to school in a different state or something like that. Okay?"_

_"Got it." she nodded, her head shooting up when she heard the door open._

_A second later came a light tapping on the door before it opened and Kathleen walked in with Derek's daughter in her arms and her backpack over her shoulder. She passed the child to her father and dropped the backpack on the floor before she was able to catch her breath from going up the 4 flights of stairs to avoid waiting for the most accident prone elevator in the city._

_"You okay, Kathleen?" Addison asked, seeing as his sister looks like she could pass out._

_Kathleen nodded. "I'm just really out of shape. And FYI, Ella nauseous because I took her to Cold Stone and they accidently gave her expired vanilla ice cream " she warned._

_Derek's brow rose as he looked into his sisters eyes. "You were suppose to take her out for lunch..."_

_"She wanted ice cream, I took her to an ice cream shop and they gave her old ice cream! How is that my fault?" Kathleen exclaimed as Derek pushed her out of the apartment and slammed the door shut._

_"I can't decide which one of your sister's is more amusing. Amy might win thought...only because she everything she does gets her into trouble." She went closer to Derek and gently placed her hand on the child's back._

_Ella's head was on her father's shoulder. She was staring down at the back of his shirt while trying to figure out why there was a strange woman with her father. Addison took a step closer to Derek and turned enough to see the child in his arms. "Hey, Ella." she said softly and offered a small, friendly smile._

_Ella turned her head to the side and stared straight into Addison's eyes silently. When she felt her father trying to put her down on the couch she tightened her arms around him, begging him to hold her a little longer. Derek understood the wordless plea and kept his daughter perched on his hip while she kept her head on his shoulder. "Ella..." he began hesitantly. He could feel the tension Addison was radiating and at that second he understood how scared she was to be taking on such major responsibility. "This is Addison, she's your mommy."_

_Ella's eyes widened in shock as she stared at the woman standing a couple of feet away from her. She didn't know what to think or what to say but she knew that she wouldn't easily trust the woman whom she thought had left her. "I'm not going to called her 'Mommy'." Ella decided despite the fact that she'd been dreaming of being able to say it since she learned the word._

_"Oh...uh.." She stopped, realizing she was too nervous to go on without taking a breath. "You don't have to call me 'Mommy' if you don't want to, Ella. I'm fine with Addison or Addie... or Ad. Whatever you want." she assured._

_"My teacher says is dis-res-pect-ful to call your parents by their first name." she answered firmly, though the fact that she carefully sounded out the difficult word made it sound cuter than it was meant to be._

_"It's okay. I really don't mind." Addison insisted. "We can start slow, kay? When you're ready to call me 'Mommy' than you can. Until then I'm fine with anything."_

_"Why did you leave me and Daddy? Why did you change your mind and come back?" she asked hesitantly, not sure if she even wanted to know what was going on in the mind of the woman who claimed to be her mother._

_"She had to go to school, El. It was in a different country." Derek took over, seeing that Addison was too overwhelmed with the whole situation to go on. "But she transferred over to the same school that Daddy goes to so she can come back and be with us now." he explained._

_Ella looked over at Addison and said, "Oh." with her lips curving into the perfect O shape._

_"I'm gonna get those 400 teddy bears off your bed so you rest until your nausea passes. Addie can help you change into your pjs." he suggested as he passed the child into Addison's arms. He watched as his daughter nuzzled her head on her newly discovered mother's shoulder. _

_Ella held on tightly, afraid of being dropped. She didn't trust Addison enough to trust that she wouldn't drop her. She murmured something quietly into her ear but the only thing that come out clearly was "throw up." Before she could respond or act on the words, Ella eject what could only be assumed was semi-digested vanilla ice cream all over Addison._

_Ella instantly regretted not being to contain herself and began crying. Addison's first instinct was to hold the child tighter and assure her that everything would be alright. "It's okay, El. Now that you got it out of you you'll start to feel better. Let's get you changed and in bed and by the time you wake up in a few hours you'll feel all better." she said softly ._

_After setting Ella down in bed, Addison walked into Derek's bedroom and pulled off her 300 dollar white cashmere sweater and grabbed a random t-shirt from one of his drawers. Usually she'd consider taking a hit out on who ever ruin her clothes, but this time she couldn't possibly care less. In the 45 minutes she'd spend with Ella she's somehow managed to develop the maternal compassion her own mother lacked. _

_Just as she was pulling the t-shirt over her head Derek walked into the room with a bright smile on his face. "Welcome to motherhood." he exclaimed proudly. _

* * *

Addison arrived at Derek's hotel room as soon as her last patient left the practice. She impatiently banged on the door until he opened it. She stood still looking into the blue ocean which were his sleep compromised eyes. "I uh...I'm sorry for interrupting your night." she said awkwardly

"You're not interrupting anything." he assured, stepping aside from the door to let her in. "I'm just a little surprised that you're here."

"Wyatt got Ella's test results back. I thought you would wanna know so I came here ASAP." she answered unsurely, still debating whether or not it was a good idea.

"Oh..." Derek sighed, pacing back and forth for a few short seconds. The news she came to deliver had the potential to change his life. "Should I be sitting?"

Addison looked at him uncomfortably. It was obvious that she felt awkward and out of place in his temporary domain. "You should be in any position you're comfortable in."

Ella turned onto her other side to face her parents. She had been pretending to sleep but she couldn't. Not while her parents were in the same room discussing the matter of her life.

"Just tell me." Derek said nervously, looking from his daughter's emotionless eyes to Addison's.

"Ella has got stage one ovarian cancer." she stated clearly, her voice deprived of all the personal emotion that went with it.

"How long does that mean I have?" Ella asked after watching the tension between the two for a few silent seconds. "A week? A month? A year?"

"Stage one, Ella." Addison emphasized. "We caught it very early, before it spread, before it did too much damage. Survival statistics are excellent. You're not dying, honey." she explained.

"That's...great." Derek said with a pause. He needed a second to process the words he was hearing and change his negative perspectives in regards to the future of his family. "So we've got options..."

"Yeah, we do. We can do a few rounds of chemo, follow that with radiation. We can do a partial oopherectomy and follow that with a round of chemo just in case the surgeon doesn't get all the potentially cancerous cells. Wyatt suggested joining a clinical trial but that would be taking a risk...And I'm not sure I'm willing to take a risk with this." Addison answered without realizing that she was on the border of crossing the line of overly informed parent and personally involved physician.

"No...no clinical trials." Derek agreed. "You're the gynecologist here... and I know you probably went through the training for gynecological oncology even though it wasn't required. You're Addison, you needed to know all or nothing. So, come on! Tell me what we should do!" he exclaimed with unmistakable confusion and worry in her tone.

"I did train for it." she confirmed his statement. "But that's not the point! I'm not suppose to stand here at 11 pm and discuss the medical aspect of this with you! I'm in your shoes, Derek. She's my kid, too... I'm just as freaked out and lost as you are."

"Yeah but the difference is...you know what can help her, you know what can go wrong. You're just choosing to ignore it and be a normal mother. Well guess what, Addison...you're not a normal mother! You're not even really..." He stopped himself before he could go on any further and immediately regretted the words. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way. This whole thing's got me so worked up that I don't know my limits. "

Addison looked up from the stop she'd been staring at on the ground. "It's fine." she mumbled with a broken voice, wiping away a single tear with the tip of her finger. "I should go." she whispered, backing away toward the door.

"Wait...what just happened? What did we decide? Because you lost me after the word 'radiation' and I'm still trying to catch up." Ella admitted in confusion, pushing herself up onto her elbows to feel more awake and less isolated.

She never got her the answer she was looking for, instead she watched her mother walk out of the hotel suite and turned her eyes back onto her father. "You're an idiot." she decided surely and stated it to be an undeniable fact.

"Yes, I am." he agreed. "I suck with words and emotions and...love."

"Things were finally getting better with her and you just ruined it and sent her to rock bottom again." Ella yelled in disappointment and anger. "FYI, I may not be dying right now...but I plan on killing you."

* * *

Thanks for flashback suggestions. I credit McHobbit with the idea for this one. :) I know the flashback was longer than the present but it was too fun to write to keep short. Hope you guys don't mind.  
Oh, and I know it's a lot of angst and it's getting too depressing to continue reading but I promise, the end will be so worth it. Just gotta stick with me through the next three chapters (most of which is already written out)

Thanks for Reading. Don't forget to leave a review.


	15. Chapter 15

_Addison wasn't sure why she was in Seattle, at least not anymore. She didn't know whether Derek thought she was stupid and didn't realize that he wasn't in love with her but a different woman. She didn't know if he thought that she was possibly blind and didn't see the way he'd throw himself at her. But she knew for a fact that she was no longer the love of his life._

_Everyday she'd sit alone during lunch and pretend not to see all the other couples showering one another in affection. Most of the time, Derek would do everything he could to avoid being on break at the same time as her. If he couldn't work his schedule out that way than he'd volunteer himself in the ER until she was gone. Today was an exception. She watched him walk out of the cafeteria to outside seating area and she knew he saw her. However, instead of going to sit by her he went directly for the table that Meredith and her friends were seated at._

_Derek placed his tray on the table and sat down next to the woman who'd stolen his heart without ever intending to. She looked at him with her brow quirked up. "Why are you sitting here?"_

_"Why not?" he responded with a smile as he unwrapped the sandwich he'd bought._

_"Because your wife is sitting all by herself like two table away. I mean, I've never been married so correct me if I'm wrong. But don't married people usually sit next to one another?" Alex Karev answered in Meredith's place. Unlike Meredith, he didn't sugar coat the answer and he didn't care if it was rude or not._

_"Maybe if she wasn't the reincarnation of the devil she wouldn't be sitting alone." Cristina added with her mouthful of food, hoping that it wasn't said loud enough for her superior to hear._

_Derek laughed and continued to stare at Meredith while eating his lunch. She on the other hand didn't seem too interested in him. At least not since she found out he was married._

_"She's been sitting there all by herself for twenty minutes, Derek." Meredith said. "She's been sitting there and picking at her salad and none of it has made it into her mouth yet...She just stabs her food with a fork and releases it again. Then she throws it all away and goes back to work...Every single day."_

_"Maybe she's anorexic." George suggested._

_Addison could hear every word being said about her. It's not like they'd bothered to keep their voices down. But she refused to let down her guard and fall apart in front of a bunch of people who hated her. She got up and threw her salad away without eating a single bite from it. She went back to work 35 minutes before her break was over just make the situation less awkward for herself and her husband._

_She didn't know if he cared about her or not. She didn't know when he realized her wasn't in love with her anymore. She didn't know what was going in his mind. But she knew for a fact that she'd ruined the dream life she fantasized about since before she could remember._

* * *

The one thing Addison hated about her job was the fact that she could never really have a day off, at least not with a private practice. At the hospital she never had patients she's see through the whole pregnancy. She's treat them from the time they were admitted until they were discharged. With her own practice she was there from beginning to end. If a patient was in labor she needed to be up at 2 in the morning to deal with it.

Sometime around 5 am she walked into her house and dropped her purse on the kitchen counter. She tiredly forced herself up the stair case instead of crashing on the couch and sleeping until there was no melatonin left in her. Before she reached her bedroom she heard gagging coming from the bathroom in the guest room. No one was suppose to be in the house and the last thing she's expect to see at five in the morning was her daughter clutching onto the porcelain bowl as if her life depended on it.

She instinctively crouched down beside her and held her hair back with one hand, rubbing her back softly with the other until Ella gave up and fell against the wall behind her. "You okay?" Addison asked. She couldn't help but add, "What are you doing here?"

Ella nodded as the answered to the first question. "I don't feel good."

"Well. You don't feel _well._" Addison corrected. "And you'll be okay. It's a side effect of chemo, we can get you something to stop the nausea."

"It's not a side effect of chemo." Ella answered. "I skipped chemo yesterday." she admitted.

"You did what?" She asked. She couldn't believe that her daughter could be that irresponsible. She couldn't believe that Derek would let her do something like that without talking to her about it.

"I think 'ditched' would be a more appropriate word. I'm not sure. I have a headache, the light you turned on is bothering me and all of a sudden your voice sounds high pitched enough to annoy me."

"You've got a headache and your nauseous...you're drunk."

"I'm not drunk!" Ella exclaimed. "...I have a hangover."

Addison ignored the piece of information she had just been given. She understood that Ella was a teenager, and she knew from experience that teenagers assumed that alcholhal solved all problems. She couldn't be hypcrite and scream at her daughter for drinking when she knew that she would end up in need of booze after the night she'd had. "Does your father know you're here?" she asked, changing the subject to something less dramatic.

Ella shook her head. "I left after he fell asleep." she told her mother, hoping it would put an end to a charade of questions. All she wanted to do was throw up and sleep.

"I'm not mad about you drinking, by the way. I realize that almost every teenage kid does it, I did it. So screaming at you for it would be a little hypocritcal of me. You know you shouldn't be drinking in your conidition...I shouldn't have to tell you that. But nonetheless, I'm not mad at you." Addison said calmly with her arms crossed. "However, I'm furious with you for skipping your treatment. And if I wasn't so exhausted I would be screaming at you about that."

"I'm don't doubt that." she answered surely, agreeing with everything to speed the conversation along.

"You can sleep in this room if you want. Sheets are clean, you can go get a T-shirt from my closet if you need something to wear. And if you feel sick at all you can come wake me up." Addison lectured tiredly before turned to leave the room. But before she walked out the door she turned back to her daughter who was still seated on the ground and said, "But just so you know, this isn't over. Tomorrow morning you are going to wake up swimming in the deepest shit you've ever been in."

"I wouldn't expect anything less."

"And I'm rescheduling your chemo appointment first thing tomorrow morning. But this time... I'll personally make sure your ass gets there."

"No." Ella replied firmly. "I don't want chemo, I'm tired of chemo."

"Ella, it's not a choice. You didn't want surgery so we choose chemo. And in order for that to work you've got to complete your treatment. We can't go back and change our mind half way through."

"I'm not changing my mind, Mom. I'm giving up." Ella answered in a barely audible whisper. She had been thinking about it since she was first diagnosed. Thinking whether it was worth the fight. She never knew how difficult chemo was, not until after her first treatment. She discovered with wasn't worth the second treatment. The pain wasn't worth prolonging her life a questionable amount.

"What?" Addison asked as if she hadn't heard what her daughter had said. Maybe it was a form of denial. She didn't hear what Ella was trying to tell her because she didn't want to hear it.

"I'm tired of throwing up all the time, I'm tired of feeling weak and tired all day. I hate that my hair is falling out. I hate that I can't do anything I used to do. Chemo is ruining my life! I don't want to live like this, it hurts too much." she explained. "You won't get it because you've never felt it. It's easy to think it's something you can push through when you've never had poison pumped directly into your veins. I wanna live...for as little or as long as I've got. Actually live."

"Since when do you give up?"

"Since you gave up!" Ella screamed

"I gave up on myself, not you!" Addison yelled back at her.

"Same difference. You're my role model, you give up on yourself and I follow."

"You will die without this treatment, Ella. You need to understand that. It's not like the cancer will magically disappear, sweetheart. As much as I'd wish for something like that to be possible, it's not. I refuse to allow you to choose to die." she explained to her daughter patiently. "My decisions aren't going to kill me, yours will. I want to make that clear."

"I'm not an idiot, Mom. I know what the aftermath of my decisions are." Ella answered. "And I'm not changing my mind."

* * *

This chapter takes place a little later than the last. Like by a month or two. The time sequence of this story is very off so I'm not sure. I'm not sure if that was made obvious or not so I thought I should mention it.  
The smut flashback has been written and given to me. It's awesome! So awesome that I'm saving it for the last chapter :) This flashback was suggested by Team McOrton. Thanks.  
Review :)  
I'll try to get the next chapter up sometime before next weekend.


	16. Chapter 16

_Addison was exhausted. She had been forced into an all night shift when her attending decided to take the night off. She was left in charge of everything that went on on the floor, every patient and everyone working below her. With her luck, it ended up being the busiest night the hospital had ever seen. There were way too many women in labor, a disturbing amount of rape victims and a few too many miscarriages. On top of all that, she had to deal with a psychotic woman who decided to place her cell phone somewhere were cell phones should not be. Exhaustion wasn't even the word to describe it._

_She leaned against the counter, doing her best to not fall asleep on the chart she was working on. The next thing she felt was someone wrap their arms around her legs. She looked down to see her daughter who was squealling with delieght. She picked Ella up and held her tightly for a few seconds before putting her on the counter, only to feel another pair of arms wrap around her and a head nuzzle the back of her shoulder. She turned and grinned, letting her husband place a soft kiss over her lips._

_"What's going on? Why are you guys here?" she asked, looking over her daughter carefully to make sure they weren't there for any medical purposes._

_"Turns out...ever since Ella began trusting you she can't sleep without you tucking her in. She doesn't want me to do it because apparently it's not the same. She doesn't even agree to close her eyes and try to sleep unless you've read to her and tucked her in." Derek explained. "I know she's got school tomorrow and she won't be able to wake up but it's not like she'd sleep if I didn't bring her to see you."_

_Addison nodded, turned to give her daughter a soft kiss. "I'm sorry...it's just I'm really busy right now. I don't have time to be 'Mommy' and cuddle and all that." she told her husband regretfully. "I have a woman here who put her cell phone up her vagina, Derek...she claims it's those tiny ones called a 'Juke'...like I know what that is, but still..no matter how tiny it is, why would you wanna put it in your vagina?"_

_"Okay..." Derek trailed off, taking his daughter off the counter and placing her on his hip. "Mommy's a little bit stressed out and insane right now." he explained to their daughter._

_Addison gave a guilty sigh and extended her arms to take her daughter. "How can I look at her cute little sleep deprived eyes and not do anything?" she asked rhetorically. "I have possession of my boss's office tonight. Let's go put you down on the couch in there and get you to sleep...it's not like you're going to be able to wake up in time for school tomorrow morning away."_

_A few minutes later Ella was lying on a couch in a spacious office while her mother was off in search of blankets to keep her warm. The second Addison walked into the room a huge grin grew on Ella's face. "Will you read me a story, too?" she asked sweetly, adding an adorable pout before saying. "Please."_

_"I can't, honey, I don't have time." Addison answered regretfully, bending over to place a kiss on her daughter's forehead. "I promise to read you two tomorrow, okay? And you can even sleep between me and Daddy but today you're gonna have to make due with this."_

_"Is it cause that lady has a cell phone stuck in her 'gina?" Ella asked innocently before her brows furrowed together. "What's a 'gina? Why's her cell phone there?"_

_Addison stared blankly at her daughter. "Believe me, honey...you don't wanna know." she replied in utter exhaustion._

* * *

There was one thing Addison was really good at, that was drowning her sorrows in alcohol. It's what she saw when growing up, it was the one thing that her family instilled in her. After a long, painfully difficult day nothing was better than a glass of anything to numb it away. Except the kind of pain that Addison was feeling wouldn't disappear with one glass or two, it would take many many glasses of anything to numb her.

If there was one thing Addison didn't do, it was shots. After med school she stopped taking shots and settled for more sophisticated drinks which she's intake sip by sip but tonight she needed shots. So she brought the shot glass to her lips and emptied the clear liquid it contained.

"You look like you've had a bad day..." she turned to see a man standing beside her, a charming smile on his face while he took the seat beside her.

"I've had a bad year." she mumbled as she signaled the bartender for another shot.

"What's your name?" He asked, watching as the her glass was filled to the rim with another shot.

Addison looked up from the glass toward the strange man, too drunk to be annoyed. "I honestly do not remember." she answered.

"Well maybe you'll remember tomorrow morning and tell me then." he suggested persuasively. "Wanna leave this place?"

"Not with you." he heard a deep voice answer in her place. Addison turned to see Derek standing behind her and a smiled appeared on her face without her even noticing it. She reached out her hand toward his, wordlessly begging for him to come closer to her so she had something to lean against.

"And who are you?"

"I'm her husband, and I can promise you that she's not leaving here with you and you sure as hell won't be seeing her tomorrow morning to get her name." Derek said surely, walking closer to the stool his wife was sitting on. "And If you don't leave I'll break that bottle of vodka my wife emptied and use it to castrate you. I'll even let you have a souvenir to remember the night by, you can keep your severed balls or the bloody shard of glass."

Addison couldn't contain her laughter as the man back away slowly, she turned to Derek with a drunken smile. "Thank you."

"So what brings you to a sleazy bar like this?" he questioned casually, pushing himself onto the stool beside her and taking the full shot glass in front of her for himself. He brought it to his lips and took a small sip.

"I wanted vodka... a lot of vodka." she answered. "I could ask the same."

"Bartender called the last person on your recent calls list to tell them you need a ride home. That was Ella. So she called me and I was out with the guys from your practice." Derek informed. "Sam dropped me off, I can drive your car back home so we don't leave it here."

"Ella doesn't want treatment. That's why I'm here...I need to drink away the memory of that conversation." she admitted. "She wants to give up and die. She wants to 'live what she has left of her life' and she doesn't care if we don't approve of her choice. And I don't know what to do, what to say to convince her that she's being stupid."

"Well, for one I wouldn't tell her that she's being stupid." Derek responded. "I think we can find more delicate ways to put that. Besides, She's a minor Addison. She's got no say in her medical decisions. It's what I decided and I am not condoning her to stop treatment so you have nothing to worry about. You don't have to try to convince her or anything. You don't need to sit here and drown your liver in booze."

"Why would you even care?" Addison asked, spinning around to face him.

"Because you're my wife." Derek explained simply. "I'll always care because I love you. I wish you'd be sober enough to remember those words tomorrow but you won't be."

Derek wasn't sure if she purposely leaned into his body or if she'd lost the ability to hold herself up but he didn't care. All he care about was the fact that their foreheads were joint and that she was in his arms. "I love you, too." Addison whispered. "If only you were sober enough to remember that tomorrow." she replied.

Derek chucked, placing a soft kiss over her vodka scented lips. "Can I tell you a secret?" he asked, going on before she had a chance to answer. "I'm not drunk."

Addison pulled away, staring at him in confusion. "Can I tell you a secret?" she asked with exaggerated arm motions pointing to herself at the mention of 'I' and him after saying 'you.' Derek watched her in amusement, never having seen her as drunk as she was at that second. "I am." she whispered loudly.

"That's not exactly a secret, babe." Derek answered as he helped her with her coat before escorting her back home where he knew she'd be safe because he's there to make sure nothing could possibly happen to her.

* * *

Later than I expected to post. Sorry about that.  
Two chapters left :) And Addek is finally together in this one.  
R-E-V-I-E-W...please.


	17. Chapter 17

_Derek was nervous to say the least. He had carefully planned out his every word for the night, his every move. Everything. He needed that night to be perfect in every possible way. But the second he saw Addison he'd forgotten all his plans. He didn't remember how to tell her just how amazing she looked, or how much he loved her. He could barely get passed a single word without stuttering._

_Addison pulled away from the view finder on top of the Empire State Building. She turned to Derek to see him sweating as if he had run a marathon. "Derek?" she started off softly. "You okay, babe? You look like you spent an hour in a sauna. It's almost January...in New York. New York Decembers aren't suppose to make you sweat."_

_"S-s.." he took a breath before attempting the word again. "S-sweat?" he finally managed to say._

_"Yeah. Sweat...as in perspiration. As in you have salty water coming out of your pores like a fountain..." she explained sarcastically. "Are you not feeling well or something? Do you have a fever? We can go home, Derek. I don't want you to get worse out here."_

_"I'm not sick!" he insisted. "I'm fine...It's just I can't stop thinking and nothing has gone right tonight. I planned everything, Addison. It was all perfectly scripted and then I saw you and I forgot everything. And now I'm out of quarters. Everything went wrong! It wasn't suppose to be like this. I put a lot of time and thought into this. It was suppose to be perfect."_

_"All this because you have no more quarters?" Addison asked with slight confusion. "It's okay, I don't even like viewfinders that much. Besides, you already made me stare through it for half an hour, I think I've seen everything I could see from up here."_

_"You saw everything expect what I needed you to see!" he exclaimed. "Please tell me you have a quarter somewhere in your purse. Please." he begged. _

_Addison sighed and took out her wallet. She looked into the change compartment and pulled out a quarter. "I have a quarter." she confirmed and held it out to him. _

_Derek took the quarter from her and slipped it into the slot in the viewfinder. He looked through the eye piece to find the building he was looking for. He backed away carefully so it wouldn't lose focus and turned to her. "Okay, I found it. Just don't move the thing and lose it because we're running on a quarter shortage." _

_Addison rolled her eyes and carefully looked through the eye holes. At first she missed it, but just as she was about to give up and nag him to leave she saw it. He had rented paid an advertising agency to cover two stories of a building's windows in white with Red letters printed clearly across reading, "Marry Me?" He heard her gasp but knew she wouldn't back away until the time on the viewfinder ran out. _

_"Are you proposing to me?" she finally asked. _

_"Yes... but it was suppose to me more romantic. I was suppose to have enough quarters, you were suppose to see it on time. I was suppose to remember the speech I had planned, it wasn't suppose to be this cold out here and I shouldn't have been sweating so I wouldn't stink right now. I know I killed the romance of it but that sign goes down in 10 minutes so..." _

_"You didn't kill it." Addison smiled and chucked in tension. She knew the answer, she had no doubts. She didn't even need to think about it. "This is perfect because it didn't go according to plan. It feels real."_

_"It is real, Addison. I love you, I want you there every single day for the rest of my life. And that's not what I was initially going to say...but I think we've already established that I don't remember what I wanted to say. I'm too nervous to remember anything that was suppose to happen. In fact, I'm so nervous that I don't even know if you've already answered."_

_"Yes." she beamed a priceless smile. "I will marry you even if you don't remember what you were initially suppose to say. I love you and nothing you say will change that...or in this case nothing you don't say can change that." Addison leaned in and wrapped her arms around his neck to place a tender kiss over his lips. _

_After a few seconds Derek pulled away and laughed nervously while he ran his fingers through his hair. "Yes? Really?" he asked. "Are you sure? Did you read the question correctly? You realize you just kissed me regardless of the fact that I'm sweating? Why would you kiss a nervously babbling, sweating person?" _

_"Because I love you." she answered as she placed another kiss on his lips. "And I don't care whether or not you're sweating. I don't care if you don't remember what you wanted to say. I don't care if you think this didn't go well just because it wasn't as you planned it. I love you and I think this was perfect." _

_"But you don't even like viewfinders..."_

_"That was before. Now they're my favorite...especially this one. And my new favorite building in the world is this one...And my favorite person in the world is standing right next to my favorite viewfinder on my favorite building."_

_And from that point they were Addison and Derek. Nothing would ever measure up the viewfinders on the Empire State building. December would be their month and as long was they were together they could take on anything...whether it be planned or not. _

* * *

The last thing Addison expected to see when she woke up was her husband lying in bed next to her and staring at her with passion burning in his striking blue eyes. She groaned and shut her eyes tightly for a few seconds, reliving the events of the previous night. When she opened them again Derek was still staring at her except now he had a equally striking smile (to match his eyes) on his face.

"I'm guessing that all of that wasn't a crazy drunken dream." Addison assumed.

"Defiantly not a dream." Derek confirmed. "Although you were _wasted_. I'm surprised you can remember anything about last night."

"I remember everything." she replied. "And I'm wondering if maybe you were drunk too and you didn't realize what you were saying."

Derek shook his head. "I was sober. I knew exactly what I was saying and who I was saying it to." he assured. "And I know you were drunk but that's that good part...you are brutally honest when you're drunk. So I know you couldn't have been lying about how you feel about me."

Addison couldn't help offering him a small smile. "It's not exactly the way I planned on telling you...If I ever came around to telling you that is."

"How would we ever be able to make this work is you never got around to telling me how you feel?" Derek retorted. "We'd both be miserable single people who never realized we were in love with one another the whole time...and then we'd have a horrible made for TV movie based on the story."

Addison laughed, moving her body closer to him and burying her head between his shoulder and the pillow. "The sun is bothering me...make it go away."

Derek put and arm around her and placed a loving kiss over her forehead. "You know what else you mentioned somewhere in your drunken rambling last night? That you missed being held. And how much trouble you had the hardest time adjusting to having to sleep alone and that your solution was hugging a pillow which you'd drench in the cologne that I use."

"I recall mentioning that." Addison mumbled in mortification. "I need to stop drinking to the point where I can't control what I say or do but remember it all."

"I'll go get you a bottle of water and Tylenol." Derek decided.

Addison shook her head and held on to his arm, begging him not to leave her. "Coffee...really strong coffee" she managed to stay while fighting to stay awake.

"I'm not going to go out and buy you a cappuccino or anything like that. I'll make strong coffee if you want but you are gonna have to drink it black. No sugar, no creamer..and I know you have black coffee."

Addison pouted, holding onto the Derek scented pillow tightly. "I'll stick to water." she chose.

Derek returned in a matter of minutes with two pills in his palm and a bottle in the other hand. He carefully handed her the medicine and opened the water bottle for her as she popped the pills into her mouth. He climbed back into bed and wrapped his arms around her. "Just go back to sleep, Addison. By the time you're awake the hangover will be gone. No headache, no nausea..."

"I've got to go to work, Derek. I have patients...and responsibilities." she reminded him. And when the realization hit her she pulled herself up into a sitting position and hit her already pounding head lightly against the white back board of the bed. "Ella. Where is Ella?"

Derek laughed and pulled her back into his arms. "She's in your guest room." he reassured. "I didn't just leave her at the hotel and come after you last night. Sam dropped me off there on his way home remember? Ella was with him. He got her settled in here and kept an eye on her until we got home. She's alright. She will survive without you for a few more hours. I know I'm a shitty father, Addison, but I have enough consideration to make sure my daughter is taken care of."

"Derek, you raised her on your own after her mother, her birth mother left you. You took care of her and you went to school full time and had a job to support the two of you. You didn't take the easy way out and abandon her or put her up for adoption." Addison pointed out. "And these last few year have been...horrible, this year specifically but you always were there for her...give or take a night or two. But what does that matter?"

"Yeah, and you aren't even biologically related to her but you've been there. Every birthday since you came into her life, you've helped her study for every test she ever needed help studying for, you've written like...30 book reports while she was in elementary school when you had your own research papers to write, you were there for her every time and anytime she needed you, she looks up to you as if you're god... Who would you say the better parent is?"

Addison laughed. "Okay, so between the two of us I've got a slight upper hand. But you're not a bad father, I would have killed to have a father like you...and I'm sure I'm not alone."

"Does that mean you might want to consider expanding out family?" Derek asked hopefully. "I mean...I'm not even sure if we're back together. And I know we've never talked about it. I know is sudden but...we always wanted kids and we're not getting any younger."

Addison looked shamefully at Derek, her eyes meeting his for just a second before dropping her tearful gaze down on the off white comforter around her body. "I can't have kids." she admitted regretfully.

Derek looked at her in confusion, he wasn't able to lock eyes with her only because she was determined not to. "What do you mean 'you can't have kids.' Are you on the pill? Did you get your tubes tied?...because if you wanted kids you could have it reversed." he paused, mentally kicking himself. "I just told an obstetric and gynecological surgeon her options in reproductive surgery."

"I'm not on the pill, and I didn't get a tubal ligation. I'm infertile." she clarified. "I found out when I first came to LA...I desperately wanted a child, I didn't want to be alone. I wanted to finally have my own child. I had chosen a donor and everything..and then it turns out I can't have kids."

"Oh." Derek managed to utter, finding himself at a lack of words.

"I'm sorry, Derek." she whispered sadly, not being able to look into his eyes. She herself back down into bed and placed her head over his chest, he kept an arm around her waist and held her lovingly.

"Addison." be began softly while running a gentle back up and down her back supportively. "It's okay. I don't need to have more kids. It's not going to kill me. The only things I can't live without are you and Ella. Everything else, anyone else doesn't matter."

"You can't give up your dream for me, Derek." Addison argued.

"You are my dream." he promised. "And I would never give that dream up for anybody."

* * *

Not that I'm complaining but...are there less reviews because people got bored of this? Didn't mean to stretch it out and bore you.  
Last chapter is coming up and it's got that famous smut flashback we've all been waiting for. Actually...it's not exactly smut. It's like pre-smut or almost smut but it's still pretty hot. Never mind, you'll get to read it soon enough. Right now all you have to do is Review. :D!


	18. Chapter 18

_He walked into the room and glanced at his wife as she picked up the toys scattered on floor. Derek leaned against the door frame, smirking as Addison was bent over, picking up a Barbie doll. He cleared his throat, causing her to shoot up abruptly. She sighed in relief after realizing it was him. "You could help me, you know."_

_Derek chuckled, "I'd rather watch you." he answered._

_"In that case..." her voice was low and filled with unmistakable sarcasm. "Why don't I just go put on a fucking french maid outfit and clean up all your shit. Maybe I could just quit and devote myself to being your slave."_

_"I wouldn't mind that. Do you have a french maid outfit?" he asked as he sauntered closer to her. She just stood there, watching him blankly. When he was a foot away from her, she rolled her eyes. His grin grew more as his eyes trailed up and down her exhausted body. His eyes landed on the portion of her chest which her shirt left exposed. He wanted nothing more than to rip it off and ravish her at that very second._

_"What would I have to do to get sex out of you tonight?" he asked her in a low, husky voice._

_She raised an eyebrow in retort, figuring she could get a lot out of him if he was desperate for sex. "Vacuum the room."_

_"Can I do it naked?"_

_"You could use your penis for all I care." she turned away and continued putting more of their daughter's toys away._

_As she put the last Barbie away, Derek began unbuttoning his dress shirt and kicking off his shoes. Addison suddenly paused, spinning around with her mouth slightly agape. "I wasn't serious!"_

_He smiled at her as his clothes fell to the ground. They stared into one another's eyes for a moment. Her eyes were burning with both desire and annoyance. As much as she wanted to be angry with him, something about his naked presence made her lust for him more. Derek placed his hands at her waist, pulling her hips closer to his. With one hand, he brushed her long, red hair off her shoulders and brought his lips to her neck. She sighed, leaning her head back and exposing more skin for him to kiss._

_Suddenly, Derek put his hands at her shoulder, pushing her down to her knews. As he did so, a faint rip was heard from Addison's tight pencil skirt. Her jaw dropped. "That was new! It's Chanel, Derek! I hope you have a spare two grand in your wallet because you are getting me another one ASAP."_

_Derek chuckled, dropping to his knees as well to be at eye level with her. "Shut up."_

_In a flash, his lips crashed onto hers hers. She inhaled sharply, taking in his kiss. Her hands lied flat on his chest, and she pushed him down. She quickly wiggled out of her torn skirt and straddled Derek's hips. She grinded against his erection and leaned down to continue kissing him. "I hope you know, you're still vacuuming after we're done with this." she mumbled against his lips._

_"Mhmm." he said in a mock agreement. He knew he'd blow her mind away and that she wouldn't even remember what a vacuum was when he was done with her. She sat up slightly and began undoing the buttons of her shirt before she threw it to the ground to join all his discarded clothes. Derek grinned as his eyes came in contact with her sleek, black bra. Her eyes searched his hungrily as she slowly and teasingly unhooked her bra. Just as she freed her breasts from their support, Ella's tiny voice was heard from the doorway._

_"Mom, what are you doing?" she asked curiously. She stood still, deeply considering whether to walk further into the room or turn and run while screaming at the top of her lungs. She decided that she was too curious about what was going on to leave, so she stood there and waited for an answer._

_Both Addison and Derek's head shot up, both their eyes wide with embarrassment. Derek stuttered, looking at Ella and then to Addison, wishing he could just disappear or at the very least, wishing he wasn't as naked as he was. "We-"_

_Addison cut him off. "We were arguing over who gets to clean your toy room and we couldn't come to an agreement so things got a little... violent. Ya know, pulling, pushing...ripping clothes."_

_Derek nodded persuasively. "Thank god you came in when you did or else we might have killed one another." he added in his most convincing tone._

* * *

Dell looked quizzically at Addison while she made a last minute note in a patient's chart before turning it in to him. He kept his arms crossed and cleared his throat for her attention as soon as she shut the folder. He didn't say anything, just smiled.

"Dell?" Addison asked. "Did you accidentally confuse crack for sugar and put a few tablespoons in your coffee?" she asked semi-sarcastically.

"I'm not high." Dell assured. "You're just so cute when you're happy."

Addison stood there and stared at Dell. "That is by far the creepiest thing anyone has ever told me." she decided.

"What's the creepiest thing that anyone's ever told you?" Derek asked from behind her while slipped an arm around her waist and kissed the back of her neck. He knew neither one of them had noticed him get off the elevator and was too cheesy to let an romantic exchange like that go by.

Addison pulled away grabbed the chart for her next patient. "He says I'm cute when I'm happy."

"You are." Derek agreed. "And you're hot when you're pissed off." he added.

"I agree..." Dell nodded. "But I'm not allowed to say that because she's my boss and that's sexual harassment."

Addison rolled her eyes and called the name of her next patient. She stood there with her arms crossed, staring at Derek with a passionate disdain. "Where is Ella?" she asked while she waited for the woman to finished her phone call.

"She's with Lockhart. They had an appointment today, remember? He wanted to make sure everything is going okay. I'm suppose to be downstairs waiting for her in the waiting room but I figured bothering you while I wait is so much more fun."

Addison smiled, ignoring the fact that he truly was annoying her. She snapped out of her asphyxiating trance of blind love when she heard, "I'm sorry, Dr. Montgomery." and turned to her patient and smiled.

"Shepherd." Derek corrected protectively, while his eyes wandered from his wife to the woman standing at a few feet's distance. "It's Shepherd, not Montgomery."

Addison glared at him, before she could say anything Dell spoke. "You'll have to excuse him. He's a little possessive of her. He wants everyone to know that they're back together and that she's his wife." he cleared up. "Why don't I show you to an exam room while Dr. _Shepherd _gets rid of her husband." he offered, leading the way before she can answer.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you." Derek said before she could say anything. "I'll go wait downstairs if you want."

"You didn't embarrass me. I find it kinda sweet that you're threatened by me using my maiden name. It's cute that all of a sudden little things like that seem to have such a huge meaning to you." she answered with a smile. "You don't have to leave if you don't want to but I need to go take care of that patient and Ella might be done and worried about where you are. You guys wanna come back here after you're done? I should be done in a little while."

"Ella and I have plans." he answered in a very serious tone. "We need to go...do something. It might take us a while. You wanna meet for dinner? We can go to the place on Pacific Coast Highway that's you're obsessed with."

"I can't." she answered sadly. "I have a patient coming in at five to be induced. I'm not sure how long her labor will last and I don't wanna go home after that and be forced to come back a few hours later. Maybe you guys could go to that place and drop something off for me on your way home."

* * *

"This needs to go perfectly." Ella lectured. "If your ruin it I will kill you. Got it?"

Derek nodded while removing the take out from the paper bag the restaurant had put it in. He nervously paced back and forth, looking at the clock ever five seconds to see what was keeping hid wife. "Do have the papers?"

"You have the papers!" Ella yelled, pointing to the yellow manila envelope he was clutching on with a death grip. "Calm down. She's not gonna say no...unless you ruin it, than she might say no and leave you again."

Derek prepared to reply but stopped himself when Addison walked into the room. He wrapped his arms around her and gave her a soft kiss on her lips, making sure to throw his daughter a scolding glance in between. She pulled away instantly. "I'm sorry, I'm exhausted. Not really in the mood to be all affectionate. How was dinner? Where did you guys end up going?"

"We went to the place you love, like I told you we would. Except we didn't eat there, we had them pack it to go. Which is apparently against the policy unless you slip the manager a 100 bucks, then they're fine with it. I figured I'd bring it here and we can eat together." he explained. Pulling out a chair for her. "But we had a different suggest for you first."

"Okay..." she answered skeptically as she took a seat on the chair he had pulled out for her. She looked up with a questioning gaze at her daughter and felt like her heart sank. "Please tell me you're okay...Everything with Lockhart was fine and I'm not about to hear something that will make me break down into tears and break something."

Ella took the envelope from Derek and held it out to Addison who took it instantly. "Are these divorce papers? Horrible test results from Wyatt?" she asked, preparing for the worst.

"No. My appointment this afternoon was fine! He said I'm fine and everything is going really well. I'm in remission. You don't have to worry about me and cancer. You were right, I was wrong. Not wanting treatment was stupid. I admit it, okay?" Ella assured. Despite the fact that it was against her will, her parents decided that continueing with chemo would be for the best. They personally sat beside their daughter, both of them to make sure she wouldn't skip a single dose. Although Ella may have hated them for it at the time, she had to admit the the torture was worth it. " Now will you just open it?"

Addison rip open the top of the manila envelope. She pulled out a set of forms which had already been filled out. The only thing left untouched was the blank line on the very last sheet of the documents. "Adoption papers." she realized, looking up at Derek and Ella with a small smile. "You want me to adopt her?" Addison asked, still much too shocked to get past the idea to pick up a pen.

"Yeah. I mean...we said we wanted kids. And we might not be able to have any but she's ours. And I need you to know that. I need for you to never be able to doubt that she's your daughter. Once you sign those papers she is as much yours as she is mine. I can never take her away from you. No one can."

Derek held out a pen to her which she took with a shining smile. She removed the cap and signed _Addison Montgomery-Shepherd _on the line.

He leaned in and placed a peck on her lips. Addison pulled him in and rested her forehead against his. "Congratulations. Welcome to motherhood." he said softly.

"You said that to me the day Ella met me." Addison remembered, teasingly brushing her lips against his before actually kissing him.

"I know I did. But the last 12 years was like a test run... practice, ya' know? Now it's all official and serious."

"Almost thirteen years of marriage and I still don't understand how you think." Addison mumbled beneath her breath, pulling away from Derek to finally be able to eat. They sat in a peaceful silence for a few minutes until they heard a woman's screaming coming for the other side of the building. Addison dropped her fork and got up.

Before she could leave Ella groaned. "You adopt me but he gets all the affection?" she complained.

"Ella, now's really not the time to start arguing." Derek answered. "If that woman's baby pops out without your mother in the room she will have a law suit to consider and we don't really want that."

Addison dismissed Derek answered, she walked closer to her daughter and took her into her arms. "I'm sorry." she whispered, giving her a soft kiss on her temple. "Most 16 years olds hate mothers who show them affection."

"I'm almost 17. And I'm very different from most kids." Ella reminded her as Addison walked toward the door.

"I love you." both father and daughter said in unison causing for Addison to smile and turn back.

"I love you guys, too." she promised with a chuckle, watching them intently in case they had anything else to say so she wouldn't have to turn back again.

After a few seconds of silence she leaned away from the door frame to walk off when she heard her daughter say "Hi." in an overly exaggerated state of happiness. She rolled her eyes and walked away, already knowing what was going on in Ella's mind.

After Addison was gone, Derek blankly at Ella for a few seconds. "What the hell was the 'hi' for?"

Ella shrugged her shoulder until she swallowed the food in her mouth. Then she answered. "I don't know, I just want to get the last word." she admitted.

The End :)

* * *

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